Why ask Why and Faith vs Fear.

I am married to a very amazing woman. Absolutley the sharpest, smartest woman I've ever known and it is an honor to share a life with her. She challenges me way of thinking all the time,especially on spirtual matters. It is good for me. I wonder at times if believers really know what they believe and why. Just tonight Allison told me she thought early on in my Christain life I had been sold a bill of goods that didn't stand up to reality. It's refreshing having someone say that. She and I couldn't come from backgrounds more different. She grew up in a good normal Christain family..I got saved thru the Jesus people movment and prior to that the only time I ever heard my Dad pray was twice a year. Holidays. There was no religion in my up bringing. So when I stumbled into all this..I knew NOTHING. Except I had had an encounter with Christ that utterly changed everything about me. Allison went to a Methodist church. Just good people trying to serve God and help each other along the way. I got filled with Spirit and wound up smack dab in the middle of the Charismatic movement back then. Frankly as a "Jesus Freak" we all had a bit of mis trust to standard churchhes and frankly many of them didn't really know what to do with long haired ex whatevers to find a place for us. A buddy of mine once said he felt like our generation was a bit lost and not sure where we fit into the big picture. Charimatics preach a lot of stuff. Living in health,wealth and victory every day. I learned a long time ago to stop asking "Why". In my trials I've tried to see things in this light,"What is it here that I can learn and become a better person"I've been divorced twice, Been homeless,broke and near out of my mind with grief over loss. But on the other hand I've had times of wonderful joy and have felt loved and accepted. I guess at my age I spend time looking back taking stock. Seasons. The Bible says to everything there is a season. I believe in my life so much of what I've been thru and learned is a preparation for what God ultimatly has for me to do. I've studied the lives of many successful people. Looking for a common thread. I'm still looking. A very strange thing happened starting in 06. I lost interest in playing music. I still played but somewhere there the joy and passion vanished. It scared me. Music had been a defining factor in my life since I was a kid. It was because of music that I learned so many other things. I really didn't know what to do with myself. So I studied wealth. I read all kinds of books about everything on the subject. Spent hours learning about investing. I studied the rich. What makes them different than us. If there was a common thread is they look at money way different than I do. They started young collecting and working. I have known a few in my life who just seem to have a knack at making money. A tallent I wish I had. I did get this. It is a skill that can be learned. Finally at the end I came to this..I'm a musican, I really am more concerned about the down beat than the bottom line. Allison and I talk sometimes about it. I tell her if we ever won the lottery it would scare the hell out of me. She is always catching me and pointing out how I talk myself out of success. She is good for me.
The Bible says the just shall live by faith. Here is what I have learned about a Christain approach to wealth. It's really not ours. We are simply stewards over what God gives us. We may toil in the field and benefit from it but He is the owner. I've seen to many times where to much success can destroy a life. As with anything not enough causes suffering to much can to. Fear. I've had it snap at my soul my whole life. I have experienced amazing instances of God's provision. All my years in LA there were time after time God provided. Here is one I'll share. I was going thru this horrible divorce. I had lost everything. I was sleeping on my sisters couch in Anchorage at the time. I had come back from Fairbanks after another vain attempt to reconcile with my future ex-wife. Why in the face of all the pain and betrayal she had heaped I couldn't say. But there I was. My brother In-law was busy with his business and my sister was sick at the hospital. I was so broke I had to hitch hike home. To add insult to injury my leather jacket zipper had broke and it was 20 below. I was miserable. My older sister had given me a new Bible and for some reason I had it on me as I stood shivering on the side of the road. I noticed a truck had pulled over so I ran up and jumped in. There was this latino guy who saw my bible and asked if I was a believer(even though at the time I felt like anything but)I said yes. He said he never picks up hitch hikers but God told him to pick me up.(I was thankful cuz I was really cold) So we started talking and I opened up about what I was going thru. This brother whose name I never even got had a Word from God me(for all I knew he could have been an angel in disguise)He said two things..One,that if my wife didn't repent and straighten up in time God would hand pick someone else for me and that He was going to begin as the bible says"Make the Crooked ways Strait" This was like someone throwing a drownding man life saver. I felt God's peace and despite all I was suffering I felt his hand upon my shoulder. The brother even gave me a ride right up to my sisters door. Precious are moments like that. Within a few weeks I returned to Fairbanks and was offered a fulltime possition at the mental health place I had been doing relief work for which gave me the income to rebuild my life. I did finally finish my divorce.The benefits helped pay for 3 years of therapy that helped heal me and in time I met and married this truly amazing woman. Allison my best friend and true soul mate. the Bible says He will never leave us nor forsake us. That day truly proved that to me. God is good. Praise Him...amen