"Victoria LTD, Metalblue and Ken Roberts"
Christian music in 1987 was still a pretty small industry and Christian metal even smaller. In all my years there at the time I never met anyone that made a dime. Maybe Stryper. But the rest of us were swinging day jobs and doing shows in hopes of something more. One of my oldest and best friends was in a major band 3 albums into a deal and he was lucky after they paid the crew,the label and expenses to have maybe a couple of dead presidents in his pocket. It was brutal,and not for the faint of heart....and the Saints loved it..trench frontline warfare. The one thing I learned and would see over and over again..With a call and a vision comes a price tag and a bulls eye.
We met with Ken in Torrance at his studio. Tink and John had met with him a few days before( I was down with the flu at the time)and the first thing Ken asked them was this...."How serious are you guys?" well Tink steps up and says. "When can quit my day job?..while John damn near blew the whole deal by dragging his knuckles in response. Luckily Ken was an astute enough to judge where the focus and talent of the band lay. So when I got to sit down with him the first thing he said to was this"You are a charismatic and powerful front man and one of the best guitar players I ever heard plus you got good songs..so here is what I got...." What he had was a studio, a label, lots of know how but little else..like us (and most in those days)..we were flying blind like I had been my whole life. There are those who would have passed on Mr Roberts ,looking back I liked him felt I could trust him..and really at that time what other offers or options did I have?..none. Just a few short years before I was a fat boy living in Fairbanks Alaska taking care of old folks one step from deaths door. 5 years later I was a GIT graduate with a band that was less than 2 years old..and out of the thousands of musicians and hundreds of bands in the south bay ...I was getting offered my dream on a plate...a record deal....what would you do?...the Bible says this "Despise not the days of SMALL beginnings"...from this mustard seed could grow...something.
Ken was an odd mix...half legalistic Baptist...half rock and roll madman, cynic and saint ...married to a church secretary. With a sharp sardonic wit and a fowl mouth....he fit in with the Saints like a hand in a shoe..or a glove depending on the time of day..face it I liked him, yet at times wanted to kick him in the shins ...then he'd do something that made us all laugh..I just couldn't ever stay mad at him. He and I would talk for hours...about God,music and life. He became my musical mentor,my friend and has over all these years been a stalwart believer in my gift ,call and talent...forever the biggest fan of the Saints..and in many ways...our soul...He truly saw us in the light of the whole of the music world then as...unique...and far better than any of us in the band thought we were at that time...
We began to recording of what would be "MetalBlue" a fusion of blues and metal with an out front Christian message. The songs covered everything from salvation,family commitment, God's provision to returning to Christ after falling away to a rally cry "Don't Knock the Rock" (my reply to certain TV preachers of the day)...when used for God's redemptive purpose.
The first session was a marathon of drum tracks. The first thing was Tink had to replace all his drum heads and tune them just right. Being our first real experience in a studio there would be many eye openers on what would work and wouldn't. You be surprised at some of the stuff you'd do just to get the right feel or vibe. Ken was very good at just that. He understood we were less about "finesse" and more about feel and capturing a "moment". I laid down a basic guitar track with a "scratch" vocal (vocal not to be saved) It was funny being typical to the Saints ,everything on a shoe string,Ken had used up all the mic stands on Tinks drum kit. He wanted Tink and I to lay the track down live, playing together rather than use a metrodome this way he could capture the right feel. With no more mic stands The Kid had to stand there and hold a microphone while I sang and played!
We were basically a "live" band. We were far to poor for studio time until we met Ken. Writing songs for a studio setting and ones for live playing are two completely different approaches. Being a "live" band which ment our arrangements were a lot more "loose"..Tink and the Kid had figured out early on to keep their eyes on me and we had instinctively developed subtle signals and gestures on stage to point the way during a performance. If the crowd was digging it I might extend a solo, lay back into a grove and milk it till the moment was ripe..to rip...or bring the band down from a roar to a whisper..there was no telling..and I never knew either till we were "in it to dig it"...the studio was a whole different animal. And Ken would teach me the ropes.
With the guitar track and scratch vocal down we now had a frame work or blue print to build the rest of the songs. A skeleton on which to hang the rock and roll flesh,blood,sweat and sinue. It was amazing to watch this process take place.
That night as we drove home I sat in the back of Tinks beat up old truck and felt like a million bucks...I could hardly believe I was doing this, the dream and the Vision God had given was taking place..The Rock and Roll American dream..a Christian version of it....It was a long way from Fairbanks..I slept happy that night, happy and full of peace.
The recording continued with Long John laying down his guitar parts and the kid dropping the bass into mix.
Right after doing his parts Long John left for vacation. The next day Ken called and asked me to come down and redo some of Johns parts. So I show up and ask "which ones?"..Ken goes "All of them" This shocked me a little till Ken played them back. John was always at best a fair guitar player. He sort of filled in the empty spots. Kinda like the condiment between the meat,cheese and bread. A good condiment can make a deli exceptional a tasteless one becomes nothing more than clue to keep down lettuce and tomato "slippage". His tracks lacked fire and drive. Ken being the astute producer he was wanted tracks that pumped. I felt bad but from what I would learn latter many bands use studio guys in place of band members who can do the parts faster and cheaper then use the guys in the band for all the tours and live stuff. Off we went and a few hours later we had a rythum section of drums,bass and guitar ready to roar.
Coming from a live back ground to the studio was a challenge at first. It was difficult for me when we began to record to connect emotionally with what I was playing because the stage and audience were so intermingled with my experience of creating music. I feed off the audience, the band, the physical "feeling" of the sound as the amp pushes the air. In the studio I played thru head phones or thru monitors with the amp in another room. I felt a bit disconnected from it and a bit less excited by it all. Maybe even uninspired.I remember saying as much to Ken one night as we were recording the solos for a song called "Saints Boogie". I told Ken that I felt like I had played the song better in the past..his response was "Don't worry what you're playing sounds killer" in the final mix he was right.
John returned from vacation and was less than pleased that Ken had me replace his tracks. I could understand his displeasure...but hey we were half way thru the guitar solos and Ken was not about to back track the project just to appease some ones ego. The Saints to John were more a hobbie than a call. For the rest of us and in particular, me, it was a very serious Call and we were prepared to run the course. John wasn't. He had a good day job and wife and kids and there is nothing wrong with that but I didn't ever see him making the sacrifices I was prepared to make. So he basically said if he didn't get to play on at least half the album he was going to quit. We became a trio.
Ken brought in a few other player to add parts and flavor to the album. One guy who would continue to play a part on both albums would be a guy named Ralf Sappington. Ralf was one of these all around jack of all trades musicians. The guy played everything, bass,guitar,keyboards,horns, everything. He had a musical partner named Kathy who would add backing vocals as well.
Ken would create a "call and response"type of vocal tracks that I loved. With my gnarly singing style he had Kathy and another singer create these almost "black chick gospel" vocal tracks. They came out great. Ralf laid out all the keyboard tracks on songs like "One in One hundred" one of only two songs I co-wrote. I had written that song years before with my first band back in Alaska. I had saved it and put it in the live show. The other song was a tune that Tinker had written lyrics to. As i said earlier you never know what tricks you'll find in the studio. As we were doing the solo for "One in One Hundred" Ken on a whim pulls down this old beat to piss Harmony F hole guitar that he had recently restrung. This thing had a neck like a tree trunk but wasn't to hard to play. Not a pro guitar at all. But that acoustic solo was just the thing that song needed and it would off set the other songs nicely. Ken would have Ralf lay down an organ solo and he would toggle between us two,acoustic guitar for a few bars then organ solo for a few bars and so on.
With our parts done Ken went to work on putting it all together,mixing and mastering. we had a few more shows to do and continued to "run the set" during weekly rehearsals. Ken had a specific idea for the album cover. we did several sessions with a school friend of mine that had moved down from Alaska. He was a bit of an artist so he would end up doing the final photo for the front cover. In typical Saints fashion he would do it low key and cheap. Tink had dyed a sheet black(it came out grey) one day during rehearsal my friend shows up with a borrowed camera. We pause, Tink tacks the sheet on wall of a side room of the church, we toss on some of our stage close, I borrow a set of sunglasses from my friend and hand them to Tink. My buddy didn't even have a tri-pod for the camera. He stacked up this huge pile of hymnals and used them to steady the shot,then "click.clik.click" and...history...three tuff looking guys in suits ,sunglasses and a beret.
We finished the final tracks and vocals at a 16 track studio in Burbank. I remember it being located in an old theatre, real funky place. The engineer on the project got real excited when he heard us and especially the acoustic guitar track. Tinker did the lead vocal on the song he wrote and I followed suit. This was the first time I sang into a high end vocal mic. It was really something, I could even hear myself breathe. As I sat in the control room I had to pinch myself again. I could not believe this was really happening. I was RECORDING a bonifide professional album with a producer ,session musicians,and my band!.God had been good to me and the tears in my eyes under my sunglasses were another thank you to Him. A week of two later I get a call from Ken to come to the studio. There he presented me with a shinny new cassette of "Stevie and the Saints, Metalblue" there we were three guys in a black and white photo tipped sideways on a blue background..all done on a shoe string with a borrowed camera. Ken had all of 1100.00 into the project,most of that was the album art. I was a happy man. I went home walked into my little hovel of an apartment to my wife and two wonderful children,put the cassette in my player and listened to it over and over again. Ken had done a masterful job of recording us and I as blown away as anyone would be. The reality of my life at that moment was this. Parked outside my door was a 1971 Ford Maverick that I paid 235.00 for and had to make payments. I had gone 8 months without a car and almost 2 years without a phone. I was behind on the rent and there wasn't much in the fridge to feed my growing family. I was in debt up to my ears with no way to pay and everytime the phone rang my heart skipped a beat because it was probably a bill collector. I was married to someone who did nothing but complain.(I couldn't blame her)... But I had two things no one else had...a KILLER BAND and now a KILLER ALBUM!!!!With in month of Ken sending out advance copies reviews started rolling in. I remember Ken calling me with the first one. The reviewer went on and one how good we were and what a monster guitar player I was going as far as calling me a guitar hero. This made the rest of my dismal life shine a little more...killer band,killer album and now...killer reviews!!!!!
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Birth of Stevie and the Saints
"Stevie and the Saints..a Vision..a Van..and Fat Boys on a Mission"
1986 LA was the epicenter of a growing number of metal bands. They seem to be everywhere. Out of this period would come some of that music's greatest. Metllica, Megadeth, Ratt,Slayer,Motley Crue (dare I mention Poison) Iron Maiden and Guns and Roses. In the Christian music scene there were just as many although not nearly as well known outside the scene. Many of the bands played the same venues. The big boys on the block were Stryper. I heard about them when I first got to LA and was still in school. They were an amazing band..and weird looking..yellow and black stripped spandex..and more hair spray and lipstick than I ever saw at church.
They took a lot of flack for being what they were. But look at this, they were the first out front openly Christian band that got signed to a secular label something nearly unheard of back then. They toured with secular bands, filled concert halls and put on a totally professional show replete with lights,bombs and big amps...everything you would want to see in a metal show and all of it glorified GOD..I know I went to see them..the only other show I ever saw that was as good and packed the house as well(I saw both these at the Universal amphitheater) was Petra...one of my faves since I first got saved. What they did was raise the bar for all of us. They crossed the line and proved that a Christian metal band could sell out halls,sell a million records and not sell their souls to do so. Boys if you ever read this...you got huevos!!! big bad spiritual huevos!!! thank you Jesus.
There would be many in LA that would follow and I would find myself knee deep in that scene. Bands like Vengeance who would record their first demo at my future producers studio and would have their debut the same night as the Saints. Barren Cross, Neon Cross, White Cross(a lot of cross bands..it would not have surprised me if there had been,the cross and the switch blade,cross word puzzle and skull and cross bones)Jordan, from Seattle my buddy Dave's band Bloodgood. Guardian, X-Sinner,Trilogy and the list would go on and on....lots and lots of metal bands..
I had played in a few bands after GIT when finally it dawned on me..I write my own songs and I have my stuff strait as much as these guys do. So in 1986 I made a decision. I would form my own band. It was simple. Lisa and Terry had been kind enough to give me a key to the church. I had set up the Boogie there and was playing for church every sunday so I had a place to rehearse. I would sometimes go there and crank it up all alone and come up with ideas for some of my first songs.
As I surveyed the Christian music scene of the day I saw many versions of bands like Sabbath,Led Zep,Journey, Ozzy,Deep Purple..Christian versions of secular bands...I asked myself one simple question...WHERE WERE THE BLUES?..other than Darrel Mansfield...there wasn't any, no guitar driven bands were doing it. Where were the Christian versions of Stevie Ray Vaughn?Muddy Waters?Jimi Hendrix? ZZ Top? BB King?....I saw none!....They were my true hero's...they were the real influence on me as well as George Benson and Joe Pass....so who was doing that kind of music??? the answer..NO ONE...not until then...little did I know what I was about to do would continue way beyond those years of struggle and toil in the trenches.
My concept was simple. A couple of guitars a bass player drums and hopefully someone with a van. None of which I had. But here is what I did have. A Call ,A Vision, and an Education from GIT as well as someplace to practice. I just needed the right guys. I was not really looking for great musicians as I was looking for great servants. Guys with a heart for God and a desire to serve Him. I had the time,talent,education and expertise to help someone be a better musician but someone with a servants heart was in God's hands. I met the first guy thru a friend. John, played guitar and a little bit of keyboards and HAD A VAN! We started out at the church and auditioned a few other guys I gotten to know. What I really needed was a drummer and bass player.
We were working on some tunes one night when in walked this heavy set guy with glasses. He wasn't there to play he was actually returning some drum gear that he had borrowed. I offered to have him set in. And it clicked. He had a good feel and steady meter. I made him an offer on the spot. He told me he didn't think he could do it because of his commitment at his church but he'd think about it. John Tinker ...I'd nick name him JT for short cause we already had another John in the band and every-time I'd say John I'd get twin replies. JT would tell me latter that part of his reluctance at first was his home church was anti-rock of any sort Christian or not..but he remembers thinking this as he drove away..."You know you're going back there...that guy can play!" He would turn out to a tremendous blessing both as a friend and brother and as a great drummer. There were two other pieces to this pie that were yet to come. I got a call from a bass player who someone had told what we were doing and he wanted to come down and sit in. I had set up an audition with a fella who worked with a buddy of mine that worked for Sparrow records. Sparrow was one of the larger record labels for Christian music of that day and by now their head accountant was going to the church. I tried to set things up so this wouldn't be a cattle call. Problem was the first guy showed up anyway. So I had these two guys standing there, a bit awkward. Kenny Kuhn was a simple uncomplicated kid of 23 at the time. He showed up in a beat to crap Toyota, a bass on the cheap end and a single speaker comb bass amp. The other guy was sporting a high end bass serious pro gear and all of it in a brand new car. Who do you think I went with...Kenny. The other guy was a better player but there was something at the end of that night Kenny said to me...simple..Just let me know if you can use me or not..as I drove away the humility of that comment struck a chord..I had found our bass player.
As we settled in I had just a hand full of songs, may be half a dozen. We started working on them. I was trying to get a friend from church to be our singer so as he and I would work on the songs he kept telling me I sang my songs fine...I was not convinced having been told my whole life I couldn't sing..play guitar! yea..sing...nooooo. Well this friend of mine had a girlfriend who I think didn't like the idea of him in the band so he finally said this..."Steve you sing your songs fine so I'm gonna quit..now you have to sing "That night I showed up to rehearsal and told the boys..much to my own consternation..not only would I play but I would try my best to sing..I got a dubious look from JT. So I wound up writing,singing and playing all the lead guitar. What I would realize was I could sing what I wrote and if I could "feel it" I could deliver it.
There we were. 4 guys in a store front church with hardly a nickel between us. I had a Vision...and I would preach it to the guys constantly..and I was careful not let any doubt,or anything negative fester. I felt like God had given me the seed and I would hover over it and feed it on faith till it grew and bloomed. The thing with a Vision is it becomes contagious..The more you say it, the more you lift it up, the more faith you put into it before long those around you will see it too. I knew then to be successful we all would have be on the same page,thinking the same thing saying, the same thing ,and moving in unity as a team, a tribe and a platoon because failure was just outside the door. And I wasn't gonna let it come in a spoil the soil. One Vision,One Heart,One Mind. That Vision was to go where others wouldn't,Be a light in the dark, Reach out to the downtrodden and forgotten, and use the music to present HOPE.
Not far from where I lived was this cool little funky used clothes store. "Suitably Yours" LA was just full of little shops like that and it was so frustrating being over weight and trying to buy stage clothes..(our joke was they don't make spandex in triple x sizes) One day I was in the shop looking through the "extra large" rack when a blueish green pin striped suit caught my eye. I pulled it out and it looked like it mights fit..legs didn't seem to long..I held it up close and thought..."Um maybe"now sitting atop the circular clothes rack right in front of this suit was a french beret. I thought "Hey this is cool I wonder if it fits" I tried it on and it fit perfect. Then I tried on the suit and it fit as if it had been made just for me..not a very easy thing seeing as how I was 5'8" 260 pounds. The pants were cut just the right length not to tight in the waist, the coat arms were not to long or short the back had plenty of room to move...an image..the suit,the beret ,a skinny tie and some cheap sunglasses ..an image that would remain with me the rest of my life(although I have a ridicules collection of Fedoras as well) It was like God had handed me my own "coat of many colors" and said...."Now you look like you sound" BLUSEY!
We decided that to many bands never get out of the garage so we set a date to play our first gig. Halloween 1986...the official birth of "Stevie and the Saints". I hand drew flyers and hands outs, I took a sheet and made our banner (I used up half a dozen magic markers) and just to be different I spelled it "Steevie and the Saints". JT or Tink as we would begin to start calling him managed to piece together some lights and a PA system form the ancient stuff the church had. I even recall we had a drum riser of sorts. There we were Long John(cause he was tall and skinny) JT, Kenny "the kid"(cause he was the youngster of the band) and Me..We hit that little stage to a surprising packed house(not hard to do with a church that only held about 50 people tops) and the gig went off like clock work. It was funny cause during the show and afterward camera's were clicking away. That has been this odd thing with me my whole life with the guitar...There was always someone either taking pictures or taping me..not many working stiff can point to a box that has my entire life on tape or photo.
There would be one more player in this story who would be the final piece to our little rock and roll circus. Long John was friendly with Pastor Ralph Torrez of Pasadena 4 square(who I would eventually call my pastor) They were assisting with a Rose Bowl out reach. For many years there had been a ministry run by a pastor/street preacher named Ray Zigler. Ray was a big fella with a sunny smile and a commanding presence who could preach the walls down. He was the only guy on the Rose Bowl Parade route with a "live" music permit and had been coming there with a mobile stage for years to minister. The Rose Bowl on New Years day was a big event. People from all over the south land would come and camp out for the night to get good seats to watch the parade then go to the football game....what it was was a five mile long party...you name it you could find it there in spades. And in the middle of this Ray would set up the stage have some Christian bands and preach..a scene custom made for Stevie and the Saints...we got a spot on the bill and showed up...this was like our 3rd or 4th gig.
That night was a stand out for us..freaks everywhere, all kinds of bands, ex-gang members testifying there was this "Strong man" who blew up a hot water bottle till it exploded! They even had puppets..One of the guys running the show had this interesting pop band..Face of Five..he was a some what short guy sporting a biker jacket and a union jack dew rag. His name..Ken Roberts. First impressions? A bit of a cynic, not real friendly but he seemed to like us. Little did I know he'd would become a close friend and a major part of our future..God moves in strange ways. Ken had been around the LA music scene for years as a producer,engineer and player. He was a walking dictionary of the British invasion from the Beatles to Punk. And had even had a song stolen that he had submitted to a very well known pop singer who will remain nameless. What he said he liked about us besides the music was off stage we were one of the easiest bands to work with,humble with a good attitude and no drama. We were there to serve. I witnessed an amazing night of "real" gritty street ministry and felt right at home.
For the next year we would gig anywhere we could(our saying in the band back then was "We'd play for the opening of a garage") One gig stands out during that early time. In Hollywood there was a ministry called ''The Holy Ghost Repair Service" I had read about this place right in the middle of all the weirdness of Hollywood. They had a little club called "The Oasis" and frankly I was not a little bit in awe of the place. The founder had passed away from cancer at a mere 37 years of age and at the time we played there his widow and her new husband were trying to keep the place afloat. There were 3 things that stood out about this gig for me. One when I first met her and her new husband my gut reaction was..."What are you two doing here?"...under white bread in the dictionary it said "See them" She looked like the local Baptist church receptionist and he looked like a used car salesman...I could tell they had neither passion nor purpose for this once vibrant ministry...not 30 seconds after our set started she sent me a note informing me that we were far to loud..so I turned down..at a break this "sister" yanked me outside in the pouring rain and began to yell at me..about the volume, the style...yada yada yada...I'm standing there thinking..."Lady we are playing here for free..came on our own nickel..it's raining and you really are "showing me some "Christian Love" you ought to be ashamed of yourself"...so I go back and try to buck up and share the love of Christ with those that were there. At the end of the night her boyfriend/husband used car salesman gives me a lecture on the importance of seeking God before we play and inviting God's presence....I guess this home boy was taking out Suzy sweet lips laundry while me and the boys were downstairs for a good 30 minutes worshipping God and doing just that...preparing for war..needless to say we didn't play there again after that..there was one high point for me during that night...as I was tuning my guitar before the gig...this guy walks up to me and asks if "Darrell Mansfield" was going to be there that night...I look up and go "Sorry tonight you get Stevie and the Saints"...he looks disappointed and asked if I was sure Darrell wouldn't be there..I told that brother I didn't think so but if he did I would be just as thrilled and honored as he would to get a chance to play with one of my heros...the guy walks away still looking disappointed...despite the bummer that gig turned out to be for me..after we were done and as depressed as I was. While I was tearing down my gear this brother comes up to me and asks..."What are you guys called again?...I go Stevie and the Saints"...he writes it down shakes my hand smiles warmly and says...."I'm gonna remember you guys and be looking for you!!! At least one guy liked us that night. Also Mr used car salesman got a hot cup of coffee thrown at him that night..I guess the Hollywood crazies didn't like his brand of white-bread Christianity..Just another night in Hollywood...meanwhile I was so bummed that I skipped the next rehearsal...Tink and the boys showed up at my house and really encouraged me...literally lifting me from my depression...it was then we decided it was time to try to move into the clubs and away from churches...these were becoming my true friends ad beloved brothers...
We were invited back to play the Rose Bowl gig again. Ken would tell me later that he was impressed with three things about us a year later..first we had all the same guys in the band..back then the average life of any LA band was two months..second...we still had the same laid back servant attitude,no drama and once again...we tore the roof off the place...Ken told me later he said to himself..I WANNA WORK WITH THESE GUYS!! On top of that we were funny and made him laugh...something he didn't do a whole lot back then...
We got a call from ken a few months latter. he was doing a show at this club in San Pedro called "The Waters Club"back then there was this stupid scam called "Pay to Play" promoters would rent a club and charge the bands to show case in the hope that some industry types would discover them..This gig was a bit different..Ken was only asking to 100 bucks per band to keep the club happy. It would be the debut of a few new bands from a church that was a ministry that catered to the heavy metal crowd..Sanctuary..and Bob Beeman..the pastor..Bob was one of the sweetest guys I ever met ...his family were the Beeman gum family and he had once been a member of the New Christie Minstrels he had started a ministry to club kids,punks and head bangers.
The guys in the band at first were a bit dubious about paying to play...I said this to my boys.."lets pray...and if we have so much as a slightly uncomfortable itch over this we'll pass"
We began to pray and the moment I closed my eyes I had another of those moments. I felt the peace of God all over me like a cheap suit. I absolutely KNEW this was the right thing to do. We all did. So I contacted Ken and made the arrangements. A few days prior to the gig Long John,JT and I went down to visit the club,check it out, see what kind of cliental hung out there. I remember seeing this band from Texas playing there. The band had more Marshall's and Ampegs than I had ever seen before..I was not very impressed and I try to not to be too harsh in judging other bands. The club itself could easily hold 800 to 900 people. It had a stage 6 feet off the dance floor and a drum riser another 5 feet above the stage.Very large stage probably 40 to 50 feet long and a good 25 to 30 feet deep...plenty of room for a bunch a fat guys to run around on. What impressed me was the house PA. It was huge,high end and crystal clear. Ran from a booth dead center 60 feet from the pit. This was a serious departure from cheesy little Peavey PA's and tiny little churches I had grown up with.
The day of the gig we showed up ready to set up. Showcase gigs in those days went like this the Headliner set up first,did a sound check then the other bands would follow. So you would have bands and their gear set up one by one and as they would do their set off the stage their gear would go and the next guys would be up. The openers being the last to set up. Because we all had day jobs we nearly always requested to be the last to set up. so we do our thing and be home in time for the "Carson".
This was a whole new scene for me.Frankly it was exciting. Some of the other bands had piles and piles of gear. I watched this one bass player make half a dozen trips to his truck,set up this mountain of cabinets,amps and such then find out it wouldn't work!(turned out to be a 2 dollar battery in his cordless) our was decidedly on the humble side. I had my little Boogie(although I think we rented a spare cabinet that night)Tink was playing on a set that cost him 300.00 that he had rebuilt using better hard wear. Long John had some sort of Fender and the kid had up graded to a Sunn with two 18 inch cabs..bought it from the former bass player from "The Second Chapter of Acts" the seminal Christian band from the 70's. Those 18's could move some air. We could set up and be ready to rock in under 15 minutes. Simple...like the music of the Saints. Like I said this was all new..they even gave us our own dressing room..no more changing in the back of the van.
Show time was 9 o'clock. We show up and get into the stage clothes and as we are standing there,I'm looking around. There are all these metal heads and glam boys dressed in spandex ,hair spray and make up. here were are a bunch of fat boys dressed in suits. Talk about contrast. Ken was running around back stage getting ready to run the house sound,making sure the stage was set. I look at him an recall saying"Dude I'm not sure how we are going to go over here..we're not a metal band" he just smiles and says "Don't worry we'll see what happens"..we pause to pray..and then I start feeling it...that surge..the fire in my soul...ready to ignite... We hit the stage wondering what was gonna happen and POW...the crowd runs...RUNS to the front of the stage and starts shouting us on....I look over my shoulder at Tink..he's smilling like the cat that just ate the canary...and I knew...KNEW...this crowd...this stage ...and this moment..was MINE...I OWNED THEM!..THEY WERE IN MY BACK POCKET ...and off we went.....That night I played like a man ON FIRE! cause I was..I pulled out all the stops..every trick in the book.. I ran from one side of the stage to the other I would turn to Tink and point while I did pull offs on my strat..then jump as the kid did the same ending the song!!..and the crowd egged us on...I guess they were starved for some boogie and some blues...a performance, a set and a guitar solo should be like a good pentecostal preacher...use equal parts hollering and shouting with whispers and moans..peaks and valleys. We had arranged our set accordingly.
By the time I slowed things down for a slow blues tune the crowd was ready for a breather...and midway thru my solo they were almost literaly eating out of my hand drinking it up like thirsty sponges.
We had a "showcase song" this was our bring it home barn burner. "Holy Roller Blues". A song I heard on my first Christian night at Disneyland by a band called "Servant" I took it added a verse and gave it a ZZ Top grove..I made it boogie..we kicked it off with a slide guitar intro and went for it. This was a tune I would use to introduce the "Boys In the Band" ..."The Saints"...each of them could take a ride but honestly the guys were never much for showing off..they left that up to me..."On guitar and keys Long John"..Drums.."The master of Disaster..JT...on bass we call him "the Kid" ...I recall this was the first time Tink introduced me as "The Master Blaster on the Stratocaster" Stevie !!!... I feel this FIRE in my soul that feels as if I'm about to explode. I RUN to the edge of the stage, head held back in total abandon standing on my tippy toes ripping away like a rabid dog in butcher shop!! finally we come out of the solo into the last verse,"They call me a Jesus Freak...what they say is true"..."they call me a Jesus Freak what they say is true"....But there one thing I got to know!!.....then silence..."There is one thing I got to know!!!!!"WHOSE FREAK ARE YOU!!!!boom boom boom and I turn..Tink and I lock eyes and I just keep going and going rattling spit fire lick after lick...stretching the ending and milking it for all it's worth...I am "Dancing in the Fire" and I wasn't alone..the band and the crowd were "in it to dig it" right along side of me! Tink's looking at me grinning away and probably thinking "where is he going?"by now I'm GONE...it's "Warp Speed Mister Zulu"..I end it with a jump and several more notes and a whammey bar dive bomb and turn to face the crowd, but before I could say goodnight they are shouting for more!!..."One More Song...One More Song...One more Song"...so we did an encore..tore up some more real-estate...and headed back stage...Ken is standing there...smiling ear to ear..and goes "They ain't gonna forget YOU ANYTIME SOON"...frankly I was hot ,sweaty,needed a smoke,wanted a cheese burger and felt like a million bucks...it was good to be "Stevie" that night. I sat back and watched the other bands as we packed up and got ready to go. As we were walking out the door Ken stops us and says"After the smoke clears I'll call you in a couple of weeks"...I got a call the very next day.."Stevie we have to talk!" Thus began our recroding career and a band that would continue to live on with no effort of our own for 25 years.
1986 LA was the epicenter of a growing number of metal bands. They seem to be everywhere. Out of this period would come some of that music's greatest. Metllica, Megadeth, Ratt,Slayer,Motley Crue (dare I mention Poison) Iron Maiden and Guns and Roses. In the Christian music scene there were just as many although not nearly as well known outside the scene. Many of the bands played the same venues. The big boys on the block were Stryper. I heard about them when I first got to LA and was still in school. They were an amazing band..and weird looking..yellow and black stripped spandex..and more hair spray and lipstick than I ever saw at church.
They took a lot of flack for being what they were. But look at this, they were the first out front openly Christian band that got signed to a secular label something nearly unheard of back then. They toured with secular bands, filled concert halls and put on a totally professional show replete with lights,bombs and big amps...everything you would want to see in a metal show and all of it glorified GOD..I know I went to see them..the only other show I ever saw that was as good and packed the house as well(I saw both these at the Universal amphitheater) was Petra...one of my faves since I first got saved. What they did was raise the bar for all of us. They crossed the line and proved that a Christian metal band could sell out halls,sell a million records and not sell their souls to do so. Boys if you ever read this...you got huevos!!! big bad spiritual huevos!!! thank you Jesus.
There would be many in LA that would follow and I would find myself knee deep in that scene. Bands like Vengeance who would record their first demo at my future producers studio and would have their debut the same night as the Saints. Barren Cross, Neon Cross, White Cross(a lot of cross bands..it would not have surprised me if there had been,the cross and the switch blade,cross word puzzle and skull and cross bones)Jordan, from Seattle my buddy Dave's band Bloodgood. Guardian, X-Sinner,Trilogy and the list would go on and on....lots and lots of metal bands..
I had played in a few bands after GIT when finally it dawned on me..I write my own songs and I have my stuff strait as much as these guys do. So in 1986 I made a decision. I would form my own band. It was simple. Lisa and Terry had been kind enough to give me a key to the church. I had set up the Boogie there and was playing for church every sunday so I had a place to rehearse. I would sometimes go there and crank it up all alone and come up with ideas for some of my first songs.
As I surveyed the Christian music scene of the day I saw many versions of bands like Sabbath,Led Zep,Journey, Ozzy,Deep Purple..Christian versions of secular bands...I asked myself one simple question...WHERE WERE THE BLUES?..other than Darrel Mansfield...there wasn't any, no guitar driven bands were doing it. Where were the Christian versions of Stevie Ray Vaughn?Muddy Waters?Jimi Hendrix? ZZ Top? BB King?....I saw none!....They were my true hero's...they were the real influence on me as well as George Benson and Joe Pass....so who was doing that kind of music??? the answer..NO ONE...not until then...little did I know what I was about to do would continue way beyond those years of struggle and toil in the trenches.
My concept was simple. A couple of guitars a bass player drums and hopefully someone with a van. None of which I had. But here is what I did have. A Call ,A Vision, and an Education from GIT as well as someplace to practice. I just needed the right guys. I was not really looking for great musicians as I was looking for great servants. Guys with a heart for God and a desire to serve Him. I had the time,talent,education and expertise to help someone be a better musician but someone with a servants heart was in God's hands. I met the first guy thru a friend. John, played guitar and a little bit of keyboards and HAD A VAN! We started out at the church and auditioned a few other guys I gotten to know. What I really needed was a drummer and bass player.
We were working on some tunes one night when in walked this heavy set guy with glasses. He wasn't there to play he was actually returning some drum gear that he had borrowed. I offered to have him set in. And it clicked. He had a good feel and steady meter. I made him an offer on the spot. He told me he didn't think he could do it because of his commitment at his church but he'd think about it. John Tinker ...I'd nick name him JT for short cause we already had another John in the band and every-time I'd say John I'd get twin replies. JT would tell me latter that part of his reluctance at first was his home church was anti-rock of any sort Christian or not..but he remembers thinking this as he drove away..."You know you're going back there...that guy can play!" He would turn out to a tremendous blessing both as a friend and brother and as a great drummer. There were two other pieces to this pie that were yet to come. I got a call from a bass player who someone had told what we were doing and he wanted to come down and sit in. I had set up an audition with a fella who worked with a buddy of mine that worked for Sparrow records. Sparrow was one of the larger record labels for Christian music of that day and by now their head accountant was going to the church. I tried to set things up so this wouldn't be a cattle call. Problem was the first guy showed up anyway. So I had these two guys standing there, a bit awkward. Kenny Kuhn was a simple uncomplicated kid of 23 at the time. He showed up in a beat to crap Toyota, a bass on the cheap end and a single speaker comb bass amp. The other guy was sporting a high end bass serious pro gear and all of it in a brand new car. Who do you think I went with...Kenny. The other guy was a better player but there was something at the end of that night Kenny said to me...simple..Just let me know if you can use me or not..as I drove away the humility of that comment struck a chord..I had found our bass player.
As we settled in I had just a hand full of songs, may be half a dozen. We started working on them. I was trying to get a friend from church to be our singer so as he and I would work on the songs he kept telling me I sang my songs fine...I was not convinced having been told my whole life I couldn't sing..play guitar! yea..sing...nooooo. Well this friend of mine had a girlfriend who I think didn't like the idea of him in the band so he finally said this..."Steve you sing your songs fine so I'm gonna quit..now you have to sing "That night I showed up to rehearsal and told the boys..much to my own consternation..not only would I play but I would try my best to sing..I got a dubious look from JT. So I wound up writing,singing and playing all the lead guitar. What I would realize was I could sing what I wrote and if I could "feel it" I could deliver it.
There we were. 4 guys in a store front church with hardly a nickel between us. I had a Vision...and I would preach it to the guys constantly..and I was careful not let any doubt,or anything negative fester. I felt like God had given me the seed and I would hover over it and feed it on faith till it grew and bloomed. The thing with a Vision is it becomes contagious..The more you say it, the more you lift it up, the more faith you put into it before long those around you will see it too. I knew then to be successful we all would have be on the same page,thinking the same thing saying, the same thing ,and moving in unity as a team, a tribe and a platoon because failure was just outside the door. And I wasn't gonna let it come in a spoil the soil. One Vision,One Heart,One Mind. That Vision was to go where others wouldn't,Be a light in the dark, Reach out to the downtrodden and forgotten, and use the music to present HOPE.
Not far from where I lived was this cool little funky used clothes store. "Suitably Yours" LA was just full of little shops like that and it was so frustrating being over weight and trying to buy stage clothes..(our joke was they don't make spandex in triple x sizes) One day I was in the shop looking through the "extra large" rack when a blueish green pin striped suit caught my eye. I pulled it out and it looked like it mights fit..legs didn't seem to long..I held it up close and thought..."Um maybe"now sitting atop the circular clothes rack right in front of this suit was a french beret. I thought "Hey this is cool I wonder if it fits" I tried it on and it fit perfect. Then I tried on the suit and it fit as if it had been made just for me..not a very easy thing seeing as how I was 5'8" 260 pounds. The pants were cut just the right length not to tight in the waist, the coat arms were not to long or short the back had plenty of room to move...an image..the suit,the beret ,a skinny tie and some cheap sunglasses ..an image that would remain with me the rest of my life(although I have a ridicules collection of Fedoras as well) It was like God had handed me my own "coat of many colors" and said...."Now you look like you sound" BLUSEY!
We decided that to many bands never get out of the garage so we set a date to play our first gig. Halloween 1986...the official birth of "Stevie and the Saints". I hand drew flyers and hands outs, I took a sheet and made our banner (I used up half a dozen magic markers) and just to be different I spelled it "Steevie and the Saints". JT or Tink as we would begin to start calling him managed to piece together some lights and a PA system form the ancient stuff the church had. I even recall we had a drum riser of sorts. There we were Long John(cause he was tall and skinny) JT, Kenny "the kid"(cause he was the youngster of the band) and Me..We hit that little stage to a surprising packed house(not hard to do with a church that only held about 50 people tops) and the gig went off like clock work. It was funny cause during the show and afterward camera's were clicking away. That has been this odd thing with me my whole life with the guitar...There was always someone either taking pictures or taping me..not many working stiff can point to a box that has my entire life on tape or photo.
There would be one more player in this story who would be the final piece to our little rock and roll circus. Long John was friendly with Pastor Ralph Torrez of Pasadena 4 square(who I would eventually call my pastor) They were assisting with a Rose Bowl out reach. For many years there had been a ministry run by a pastor/street preacher named Ray Zigler. Ray was a big fella with a sunny smile and a commanding presence who could preach the walls down. He was the only guy on the Rose Bowl Parade route with a "live" music permit and had been coming there with a mobile stage for years to minister. The Rose Bowl on New Years day was a big event. People from all over the south land would come and camp out for the night to get good seats to watch the parade then go to the football game....what it was was a five mile long party...you name it you could find it there in spades. And in the middle of this Ray would set up the stage have some Christian bands and preach..a scene custom made for Stevie and the Saints...we got a spot on the bill and showed up...this was like our 3rd or 4th gig.
That night was a stand out for us..freaks everywhere, all kinds of bands, ex-gang members testifying there was this "Strong man" who blew up a hot water bottle till it exploded! They even had puppets..One of the guys running the show had this interesting pop band..Face of Five..he was a some what short guy sporting a biker jacket and a union jack dew rag. His name..Ken Roberts. First impressions? A bit of a cynic, not real friendly but he seemed to like us. Little did I know he'd would become a close friend and a major part of our future..God moves in strange ways. Ken had been around the LA music scene for years as a producer,engineer and player. He was a walking dictionary of the British invasion from the Beatles to Punk. And had even had a song stolen that he had submitted to a very well known pop singer who will remain nameless. What he said he liked about us besides the music was off stage we were one of the easiest bands to work with,humble with a good attitude and no drama. We were there to serve. I witnessed an amazing night of "real" gritty street ministry and felt right at home.
For the next year we would gig anywhere we could(our saying in the band back then was "We'd play for the opening of a garage") One gig stands out during that early time. In Hollywood there was a ministry called ''The Holy Ghost Repair Service" I had read about this place right in the middle of all the weirdness of Hollywood. They had a little club called "The Oasis" and frankly I was not a little bit in awe of the place. The founder had passed away from cancer at a mere 37 years of age and at the time we played there his widow and her new husband were trying to keep the place afloat. There were 3 things that stood out about this gig for me. One when I first met her and her new husband my gut reaction was..."What are you two doing here?"...under white bread in the dictionary it said "See them" She looked like the local Baptist church receptionist and he looked like a used car salesman...I could tell they had neither passion nor purpose for this once vibrant ministry...not 30 seconds after our set started she sent me a note informing me that we were far to loud..so I turned down..at a break this "sister" yanked me outside in the pouring rain and began to yell at me..about the volume, the style...yada yada yada...I'm standing there thinking..."Lady we are playing here for free..came on our own nickel..it's raining and you really are "showing me some "Christian Love" you ought to be ashamed of yourself"...so I go back and try to buck up and share the love of Christ with those that were there. At the end of the night her boyfriend/husband used car salesman gives me a lecture on the importance of seeking God before we play and inviting God's presence....I guess this home boy was taking out Suzy sweet lips laundry while me and the boys were downstairs for a good 30 minutes worshipping God and doing just that...preparing for war..needless to say we didn't play there again after that..there was one high point for me during that night...as I was tuning my guitar before the gig...this guy walks up to me and asks if "Darrell Mansfield" was going to be there that night...I look up and go "Sorry tonight you get Stevie and the Saints"...he looks disappointed and asked if I was sure Darrell wouldn't be there..I told that brother I didn't think so but if he did I would be just as thrilled and honored as he would to get a chance to play with one of my heros...the guy walks away still looking disappointed...despite the bummer that gig turned out to be for me..after we were done and as depressed as I was. While I was tearing down my gear this brother comes up to me and asks..."What are you guys called again?...I go Stevie and the Saints"...he writes it down shakes my hand smiles warmly and says...."I'm gonna remember you guys and be looking for you!!! At least one guy liked us that night. Also Mr used car salesman got a hot cup of coffee thrown at him that night..I guess the Hollywood crazies didn't like his brand of white-bread Christianity..Just another night in Hollywood...meanwhile I was so bummed that I skipped the next rehearsal...Tink and the boys showed up at my house and really encouraged me...literally lifting me from my depression...it was then we decided it was time to try to move into the clubs and away from churches...these were becoming my true friends ad beloved brothers...
We were invited back to play the Rose Bowl gig again. Ken would tell me later that he was impressed with three things about us a year later..first we had all the same guys in the band..back then the average life of any LA band was two months..second...we still had the same laid back servant attitude,no drama and once again...we tore the roof off the place...Ken told me later he said to himself..I WANNA WORK WITH THESE GUYS!! On top of that we were funny and made him laugh...something he didn't do a whole lot back then...
We got a call from ken a few months latter. he was doing a show at this club in San Pedro called "The Waters Club"back then there was this stupid scam called "Pay to Play" promoters would rent a club and charge the bands to show case in the hope that some industry types would discover them..This gig was a bit different..Ken was only asking to 100 bucks per band to keep the club happy. It would be the debut of a few new bands from a church that was a ministry that catered to the heavy metal crowd..Sanctuary..and Bob Beeman..the pastor..Bob was one of the sweetest guys I ever met ...his family were the Beeman gum family and he had once been a member of the New Christie Minstrels he had started a ministry to club kids,punks and head bangers.
The guys in the band at first were a bit dubious about paying to play...I said this to my boys.."lets pray...and if we have so much as a slightly uncomfortable itch over this we'll pass"
We began to pray and the moment I closed my eyes I had another of those moments. I felt the peace of God all over me like a cheap suit. I absolutely KNEW this was the right thing to do. We all did. So I contacted Ken and made the arrangements. A few days prior to the gig Long John,JT and I went down to visit the club,check it out, see what kind of cliental hung out there. I remember seeing this band from Texas playing there. The band had more Marshall's and Ampegs than I had ever seen before..I was not very impressed and I try to not to be too harsh in judging other bands. The club itself could easily hold 800 to 900 people. It had a stage 6 feet off the dance floor and a drum riser another 5 feet above the stage.Very large stage probably 40 to 50 feet long and a good 25 to 30 feet deep...plenty of room for a bunch a fat guys to run around on. What impressed me was the house PA. It was huge,high end and crystal clear. Ran from a booth dead center 60 feet from the pit. This was a serious departure from cheesy little Peavey PA's and tiny little churches I had grown up with.
The day of the gig we showed up ready to set up. Showcase gigs in those days went like this the Headliner set up first,did a sound check then the other bands would follow. So you would have bands and their gear set up one by one and as they would do their set off the stage their gear would go and the next guys would be up. The openers being the last to set up. Because we all had day jobs we nearly always requested to be the last to set up. so we do our thing and be home in time for the "Carson".
This was a whole new scene for me.Frankly it was exciting. Some of the other bands had piles and piles of gear. I watched this one bass player make half a dozen trips to his truck,set up this mountain of cabinets,amps and such then find out it wouldn't work!(turned out to be a 2 dollar battery in his cordless) our was decidedly on the humble side. I had my little Boogie(although I think we rented a spare cabinet that night)Tink was playing on a set that cost him 300.00 that he had rebuilt using better hard wear. Long John had some sort of Fender and the kid had up graded to a Sunn with two 18 inch cabs..bought it from the former bass player from "The Second Chapter of Acts" the seminal Christian band from the 70's. Those 18's could move some air. We could set up and be ready to rock in under 15 minutes. Simple...like the music of the Saints. Like I said this was all new..they even gave us our own dressing room..no more changing in the back of the van.
Show time was 9 o'clock. We show up and get into the stage clothes and as we are standing there,I'm looking around. There are all these metal heads and glam boys dressed in spandex ,hair spray and make up. here were are a bunch of fat boys dressed in suits. Talk about contrast. Ken was running around back stage getting ready to run the house sound,making sure the stage was set. I look at him an recall saying"Dude I'm not sure how we are going to go over here..we're not a metal band" he just smiles and says "Don't worry we'll see what happens"..we pause to pray..and then I start feeling it...that surge..the fire in my soul...ready to ignite... We hit the stage wondering what was gonna happen and POW...the crowd runs...RUNS to the front of the stage and starts shouting us on....I look over my shoulder at Tink..he's smilling like the cat that just ate the canary...and I knew...KNEW...this crowd...this stage ...and this moment..was MINE...I OWNED THEM!..THEY WERE IN MY BACK POCKET ...and off we went.....That night I played like a man ON FIRE! cause I was..I pulled out all the stops..every trick in the book.. I ran from one side of the stage to the other I would turn to Tink and point while I did pull offs on my strat..then jump as the kid did the same ending the song!!..and the crowd egged us on...I guess they were starved for some boogie and some blues...a performance, a set and a guitar solo should be like a good pentecostal preacher...use equal parts hollering and shouting with whispers and moans..peaks and valleys. We had arranged our set accordingly.
By the time I slowed things down for a slow blues tune the crowd was ready for a breather...and midway thru my solo they were almost literaly eating out of my hand drinking it up like thirsty sponges.
We had a "showcase song" this was our bring it home barn burner. "Holy Roller Blues". A song I heard on my first Christian night at Disneyland by a band called "Servant" I took it added a verse and gave it a ZZ Top grove..I made it boogie..we kicked it off with a slide guitar intro and went for it. This was a tune I would use to introduce the "Boys In the Band" ..."The Saints"...each of them could take a ride but honestly the guys were never much for showing off..they left that up to me..."On guitar and keys Long John"..Drums.."The master of Disaster..JT...on bass we call him "the Kid" ...I recall this was the first time Tink introduced me as "The Master Blaster on the Stratocaster" Stevie !!!... I feel this FIRE in my soul that feels as if I'm about to explode. I RUN to the edge of the stage, head held back in total abandon standing on my tippy toes ripping away like a rabid dog in butcher shop!! finally we come out of the solo into the last verse,"They call me a Jesus Freak...what they say is true"..."they call me a Jesus Freak what they say is true"....But there one thing I got to know!!.....then silence..."There is one thing I got to know!!!!!"WHOSE FREAK ARE YOU!!!!boom boom boom and I turn..Tink and I lock eyes and I just keep going and going rattling spit fire lick after lick...stretching the ending and milking it for all it's worth...I am "Dancing in the Fire" and I wasn't alone..the band and the crowd were "in it to dig it" right along side of me! Tink's looking at me grinning away and probably thinking "where is he going?"by now I'm GONE...it's "Warp Speed Mister Zulu"..I end it with a jump and several more notes and a whammey bar dive bomb and turn to face the crowd, but before I could say goodnight they are shouting for more!!..."One More Song...One More Song...One more Song"...so we did an encore..tore up some more real-estate...and headed back stage...Ken is standing there...smiling ear to ear..and goes "They ain't gonna forget YOU ANYTIME SOON"...frankly I was hot ,sweaty,needed a smoke,wanted a cheese burger and felt like a million bucks...it was good to be "Stevie" that night. I sat back and watched the other bands as we packed up and got ready to go. As we were walking out the door Ken stops us and says"After the smoke clears I'll call you in a couple of weeks"...I got a call the very next day.."Stevie we have to talk!" Thus began our recroding career and a band that would continue to live on with no effort of our own for 25 years.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Jazz
"Jazz from a rock musicians point of view"
Alright lets talk jazz .1976 I'm watching the "Midnight Special" because Carlos Santana was on. Out steps this black guy dressed in a suit with this huge hollow body guitar.Starts singing This Mascaraed . My life was never the same again.His Name George Benson. I wore out Breezin Weekend in LA and In Flight. fy It was thru George that I got exposed to Joe Pass, Herb Ellis ,Barney Kessel then from guitar players to horn guys Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, Dizzy Singers like Ella Dianna Krall. Let me qualify all this.I am dyed in the wool shredder. I love ripping thru a solo with loads of distortion. Like Hendrix I love to coax odd sounds out of an amp some peddles and a guitar. I love the blues. I love hard music. Megadeth,ACDC Priest, Sabboth. So why the Jazz and why have I dove so far in? I will never be what I consider to be a true Jazz musician. That is a mountain I'm always climbing and falling off. I guess it goes back to my G.I.T days. Siting around with my buddy Steve from Jersey playing Real Book tunes. What has appealed to me about those songs is how strong and beautiful the melodies are. They stick. When I used to do solo jazz gigs I would notice that on my brake as I was getting a coffee the wait staff would be humming the last song I did.But I find that I need them both. Rock and Roll is all about performing and energy.Jazz is all about harmony and melody. It was funny I was sitting in the local music store back in AK once and I played this chord melody piece I was working on for a friend of mine. He said why are you still playing rock and roll? Good question, there are elements of both the scenes I love. A jazz crowd is way different than a rock crowd. I like being able to fit into them both. At school we (obviously) studied jazz. I found the theory to be applicable in any situation not just jazz. A harmonic minor scale is the same no matter if you are playing it in the middle of "Green Dolphin Street" or "Miss You" by the Stones.It is where you were born in a sense. I was born in the bosom of rock and and roll. I am even at 54 a metal head. Yet I am a swinger as well. my second birth was that night seeing George Benson. Over the years I've wondered what could I bring to the world of Jazz that hasn't already been done. I have no answer for that one yet. As a rock musician what may make me unique is I read music,I understand theory and harmon,I can compose a chord melody piece on the spot given the chart. As a Jazz musician what may make me unique is I can two hand tap Ala Eddie V, I understand the power and sounds of heavy music. I can "shred" and really how many jazz guys play with their teeth! I will leave you with this. While I was attending school there was a great guitar player named Peter Sprag that came and performed for us. Sometime later they featured him in Guitar Player magazine. He had worked for a time with Chic Corea. Chic said this and I have tried to adopt it. (speaking of guitar players) "Rock musicians live with their SOUNDS, Blues musicians live with their TONES, Jazz musicians live with their NOTES!"...I am trying to find my place there somewhere... killer sound,great tone,the right notes.....I continue to climb that mountain....s
Alright lets talk jazz .1976 I'm watching the "Midnight Special" because Carlos Santana was on. Out steps this black guy dressed in a suit with this huge hollow body guitar.Starts singing This Mascaraed . My life was never the same again.His Name George Benson. I wore out Breezin Weekend in LA and In Flight. fy It was thru George that I got exposed to Joe Pass, Herb Ellis ,Barney Kessel then from guitar players to horn guys Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, Dizzy Singers like Ella Dianna Krall. Let me qualify all this.I am dyed in the wool shredder. I love ripping thru a solo with loads of distortion. Like Hendrix I love to coax odd sounds out of an amp some peddles and a guitar. I love the blues. I love hard music. Megadeth,ACDC Priest, Sabboth. So why the Jazz and why have I dove so far in? I will never be what I consider to be a true Jazz musician. That is a mountain I'm always climbing and falling off. I guess it goes back to my G.I.T days. Siting around with my buddy Steve from Jersey playing Real Book tunes. What has appealed to me about those songs is how strong and beautiful the melodies are. They stick. When I used to do solo jazz gigs I would notice that on my brake as I was getting a coffee the wait staff would be humming the last song I did.But I find that I need them both. Rock and Roll is all about performing and energy.Jazz is all about harmony and melody. It was funny I was sitting in the local music store back in AK once and I played this chord melody piece I was working on for a friend of mine. He said why are you still playing rock and roll? Good question, there are elements of both the scenes I love. A jazz crowd is way different than a rock crowd. I like being able to fit into them both. At school we (obviously) studied jazz. I found the theory to be applicable in any situation not just jazz. A harmonic minor scale is the same no matter if you are playing it in the middle of "Green Dolphin Street" or "Miss You" by the Stones.It is where you were born in a sense. I was born in the bosom of rock and and roll. I am even at 54 a metal head. Yet I am a swinger as well. my second birth was that night seeing George Benson. Over the years I've wondered what could I bring to the world of Jazz that hasn't already been done. I have no answer for that one yet. As a rock musician what may make me unique is I read music,I understand theory and harmon,I can compose a chord melody piece on the spot given the chart. As a Jazz musician what may make me unique is I can two hand tap Ala Eddie V, I understand the power and sounds of heavy music. I can "shred" and really how many jazz guys play with their teeth! I will leave you with this. While I was attending school there was a great guitar player named Peter Sprag that came and performed for us. Sometime later they featured him in Guitar Player magazine. He had worked for a time with Chic Corea. Chic said this and I have tried to adopt it. (speaking of guitar players) "Rock musicians live with their SOUNDS, Blues musicians live with their TONES, Jazz musicians live with their NOTES!"...I am trying to find my place there somewhere... killer sound,great tone,the right notes.....I continue to climb that mountain....s
Setting the stage
The 80's begin"
. My first day at the "P" home was an eye opener. First off they got these guys up at 5:30 in the morning!! ouch..There was this old nurse who worked the grave yard shift and the guys who hadn't done a number 2 in the last three days would get a visit at around 3 am from "Nurse Nasty Fingers"..on the day I started she had made the rounds..sure enough at about the time I came on it was "Bombs over Tokyo" I showed up and met Ron the day guy..Tall, slender, quiet, Catholic man who would train me and who in his own quiet way teach me a lot about a "servants life". We walk into the first room and this poor guy in laying in bed covered from chin to shin in you know what...I look at Ron and go..."Are they all like this"...he goes 'No you're just lucky"...story of my life....
Just prior to all this there were a couple of things going on. There were two magazines that I never missed an issue "Guitar Player" and "Contemporary Christian Music".The first kept me up on all things guitar and the other would keep me inspired in the world of Christian Music. More about these later. I came across a book and then a cassette series by a really great bible teacher named Bob Mumford. I felt myself drawn to intensely study the first few books of the bible mostly the story of Moses and the Children Of Israel their delivery from Egypt crossing the Red Sea,Mount Sinai the 10 Commandment the Wilderness and finally crossing Jordan and taking the Promised Land. Mumford's book had less to do with "temptation" and a lot more to do with trials and how God works in our life thru adversity and pain. Bob would introduce to me a doctrine that I would fully embrace and would give me insight in the years to follow that help me "Hold fast my profession of faith"in the face of full frontal adversity and defeat Let me clarify There were two teachers that would make a major impact and a life long impression. Bob Mumford taught me how to endure and Kenneth Hagin taught me how to believe. Here are Mumfords laws,"the Law of the "Four P's" simple but very profound "PROMISE"..God told the Jews.."I will give you homes you did not build..vines you did not plant and you will eat the fat of the land ,I send you to a good land that flows with milk and honey", "PRINCIPLE the 10 Commandments. " You Shall have no other God's Before me".then comes...the hard part...ok...milk and honey...vineyards...leeks and garlic...homes I didn't build...the "PROBLEM".....between Egypt and the promised land was this little trek....called "THE WILDERNESS"....hot dry ...miserable...with not much to eat(manna) or drink(bitter water)....and a lot of complaining.....and because of all the complaining...what started out as a week and a few days...turned into 40....YEARS...and finally after God raised up a whole new generation of warriors...from a group of grumbling slaves...the "PROVISION"...Promise,Principle,Problem,and Provision.....30 years later I would come across a preacher who was teaching something very close to this...this time using the life of Joseph(you know "coat of many colors guy)some one like the early Jews I could SO SO relate to...Graham Cook a pastor from Scotland who pastors out of southern California..his was "the Laws of the four D's.....Declaration,Distress,Development, Demonstration!..frankly in time I would live all of these...and in some way still looking for the promised land....but this doctrine would prepare me to know..and get ready for the wilderness and fully realize that the choices and attitude you adopt and embrace while walking the hot sand..sweating...living on manna..is the difference between a Holy Solider or Bleached Bones..and it amazed me how many believers never "got this" Pastor Graham said if you were ever going to be a trail blazer or innovator...the four D's were unavoidable...having been there...I whole heartedly agree!
The 70's had ended that decade had started with a bitter downer....the loss of Jimi,Janis,Jim Morrison Momma Cass and Dwayne Allman...along with Bruce Lee...out of the death of the "love Generation" and our heros ...came in full bloom..".the Jesus People" and the birth of "Christian Music and my salvation baptism and call the 70's would see the death of Keith Moon,Jon Bonnham..the end of Led Zep the rise of Punk,The Ramones...the Clash...and ...God save the Queen.......DISCO.....so when the 80's arrived it was like What will THIS BRING?.....the 80's for me would be an amazing decade....with equal parts....joy and heartache,,,,it seems God always hands me a plate with equal piles of joy and pain on it and here is some wonderful JOY along with a cup full glass...sorry it can't be helped......waiter...there seems to be something dead and smelly in soup!!! This would be the greatest period of true spiritual growth for me. The hotter the fire the purer the gold. I have always looked at what ever hard time as something God was trying to teach me.
1980.....I'm playing a lot of guitar....and learning to be a caregiver Frankly I grew to truly love my job and the old guys and gals I cared for. I found myself there many times late at night before I'd leave to go home. if someone was having a bad day....I'd go pray for them.....
There began a growing desire...this NEED......as I continued to develop as a musician and guitar player I began to really thirst to understand music. To study it. Learn about harmony and theory, learn scales. At the time I had chops..I was becoming a serious "shredder"(before I even knew what "shred"ment) but I couldn't tell you what I was doing I hardly knew what the names of the chords were..so I was beginning to see a wall approaching.
I had come across an article in "Guitar player" about this school that had just started in Hollywood California. "The Guitar Institute of Technology" GIT for short. My first impression was "Wow would I love to study there"!!!..then my second..."I'm probably not good enough". There again, me not giving myself credit..for my playing...and both my intelligence and talent.
By 1982 I had been married,divorced and remarried. My first ex,would produce a child that she would tell me was not mine. It was hard, to say the least and, I felt so quilty. But I'm usually one to take to heart lessons to be learned by mistakes made. I came before God truly sorry and deeply committed this to him. I prayed for His Total will. So on the day that I went to see this baby for the first time I was nervous,scared but prepared to accept the responsibility of my actions. Pay the price monthly. When my ex said she wasn't mine. I was far to young...to poor and to fragile to fight..I took their word for it..with a clear conscience..I had asked for God's will in the face of doing something very wrong..it was a turning point...rather than run away...move back to Monterey,,,where my Dad had offered me both a place to sleep and a trade to learn...I decided to stay and face the music. But I remember driving away that day thinking.."Yea they are probably lying to me..but really they got money,a stable home..that little girl will grow up fine....and someday,,,,someday...she will want to know who her Father really is. I fully committed her to God's care..and 26 years later we would meet..and I would see fully how God and kept the precious gift I had committed to Him in His care and protection. She became an award winnng graphic artist...a gift she probably inherited from me...a fine singer..married with her own home and a happy life...it was wonderful to see her connect with my other two daughters she being the only girl in her family growing up. And it was so funny to see how much she acted like an Olsen. When I did finally meet her what really floored me was she was the spitting image of my mother. Amazing. She is an amazing kid...a testament to God's amazing 'longveiw"of our lives...and face it....with God...things "work out fine".
After getting married I decided what was needed was time off. We were young and stupidly in love..So I backed away from playing live. really there wasn't much out there to do at the time. The Sonshine Inn had closed and frankly my church wasn't really offering me much support. So I just worked at the P home played guitar at home and spent the evening as a young married guy. Occasionally I would experience those "Inside outside" moments...when I would be minding my own business and God would come along and say'Get ready.....something is coming"...."My hand is on you for a task to perform"...I'm would...ooh...ok WHAT??...then....poof...silence...irritating at times...
The church at this time was conducting a series of special services. The had brought up a special speaker from a large church in Canada. (He and Pastor Jack I think had gone to school together years before.)
They called these "Presbytery" meetings. What they would do was alter both the lives of those who attended and the direction of the church. For me I just showed up hoping to stay out of the way and watch what happened. The Pastor that they had brought up had the "Gift of Prophecy"...one of that "Five Fold Ministry" I mentioned earlier. So having never heard of a meeting called a "Presbytery" but being somewhat aware of the Five Fold...we went...and...my life once again changed forever..the meeting started with really good worship. I could tell something was in the air...as we began to pray and worship Jack would walk around the room and "as he felt led"pick singles..couples out of the crowd. It was uncanny how "on the money" this guy was..considering that there was no way he could know or even remember things about these folks he had a word for.
I'm standing there trying to be invisible when I open my eyes and see Jack pointing at the two of us. I nervously walk forward frankly half scared out of my wits. He and Jack begin to pray and lay their hands on us ..and I here the Prophet say..." You have been upset of late by those who you believe have hurt and betrayed you"...as those word began to ripple off this guys lips...I stood..frozen...could not even twitch...every fiber of my being was "wide awake and at full attention"...something very important was happening..."But hear my words...."Thus Says the Lord..."....I am Grooming you...preparing you....you will NO LONGER BE A MAN WISHY WASHY...tossed about by every opinion thrown your way..you will no longer be a man WITH A STRONG OPINION ON EVERYTHING BUT WHAT GOD HAS TO SAY!!!.....YOU WILL BE A MAN WITH A STRONG OPINION ON WHAT GOD HAS TO SAY..you will say "YES !!!!THIS IS GOD...THIS IS HIS WILL AND HIS WORD AND I WILL WALK IN IT...I am grooming you...TURN YOUR FACE .. TO.. THE.. SUN.!!!!...BASK IN IT'S GLORY ...FORGET THE PAST AND PRESS ON TO THE HIGH CALLING IN CHRIST THAT I AM CALLING YOU TO .....PLANT YOUR SOUL IN THE DEEP DEEP EARTH OF GOD'S LOVE........THIS IS....PREPARATION....PREPARATION.....PREPARATION....do this and you will reap a reward no man can take from you!!............I stood there breathless....sweating like a sinner on sunday....speechless....light headed and weak in the knees....once again GOD had invaded my life powerfully.....I was dumbfounded....I stumbled back to my seat...as the power of that word began to sink in...a fire had ignited in my soul and something that was not there a moment ago now stood in my soul... God had birthed in me .."IRON FAITH"....and it began to spread thru my whole being. I felt the beginnings of a" forged by fire" life that would grow far beyond my home town.. After the service they gave me a cassette of that. I would keep it with me for years and years. That word would grow and grow.. change me and reveal God's will for me time and time again...
Not long after this I found myself at the local music store...our home town guitar shop had been there since 1949. Started and run by an eccentric former accordion player who ran a rag tag little store that was full of odd characters, and lots of "stuff"...I was nosing around one day when I met a guy who would be one of those people who would drift in and out of my life for years to come....Bob..Bob was the new guitar teacher a very friendly guy with a big smile and a perpetual twinkle in his eye..I like him right away! ...and...(check this out) a recent GRADUATE OF....G.I.T!!!!!.all right folks...this 1982...Fairbanks Alaska...GIT is a mear 5 years old....the odds of me running into a graduate from that school..in Fairbanks???...for those of you that have never looked at a globe...see LA and the rest of the "cool" world....now go all the way to the top....back down an inch or so....and there's Fairbanks..smack dab in the middle of nowhere...so I'm eye to eye with someone who had just finished what I really wanted to do....only GOD could arrange this....Bob was just about to be the Que. ball to my 8 ball and send me flying into the corner pocket!!! after he told me that he had just graduated from GIT I was sitting there noodling on this rather nice single cut away "Ovation"...classical guitar..I said"Man I'd LOVE to go to that school but I'm not sure I'm good enough..not knowing much about music and not being able to sight read"...He looks strait at me and says` `````````````````````````` something that would once again...change my life..."You would have...NO PROBLEM..getting accepted...no problem"...REALLY!!!..so I signed up for private lessons...ran out the door...went right home and fired off letter to GIT...told the wife what had happened...
A week later the letter came with the forms and a request for an audition tape..meantime I was literally devouring everything Bob could teach me..scales,chord,harmony....I sent off the packet and got approved in short order for a student loan..the 8 ball was flying across that table heading for the corner pocket!!.
A somewhat odd but interesting note here. A wonderful couple at church had built a nice big house in a nice part of town and one of the cool things they did was build a small cozy apartment just for Granny...our"Mother " from the church..This gave Granny the freedom to sell her "old rickety house" and move into this cozy little afair close to family and church..a friend at church bought the house and renovated it...and rented it to me...It was cool and maybe a little spooky at times to sit on the steps and think about my first chord or sit in the living room and remember those early meetings...sometimes I would go stand on the spot where I had my life changing moment with God...I almost wanted to duct tape an "X" there just for sentimental reasons....
Bob and I continued to meet and finally he looked at me and said..."Dude there is nothing left I can teach you"...Bob helped me record my audition tape for GIT...He had spent time while in the military in Japan...He came back with two really nice reel to reel..two track...recorders. I had one of the first "Rockman" headphone amps...a device created by Tom Scholtze of "Boston" fame...an amazing thing for it's time.. Just plug in your guitar..put on the head phones...and you sound like "Jimi Hendrix at Winterland through a stack of Marshals"...Bob had these vynel lp's called "Drum Drops"...per recorded live drums of different styles and tempo's...I had an Takamine electric acoustic. We ran the Drum drops onto one two track with my acoustic....mixed them together...then on the other two track I mixed a "clean guitar track"...and a Distorted one with some nice chorus and delay...mixed those together..then he bouced all four down to one tract..it came out surprisingly good sounding....Hey...the Beatles only had two four tracks and they recorded "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely heart Club Band " not much more than what I had....and it ROCKED!!!so we sent that off to school...and in a week or two I got my......TICKET TO RIDE"....I had been accepted....all this happened from my first meeting with Bob to getting my loan approved, recording my demo,and getting accepted...and sucking up everything I could from him.....maybe 3 months...I went from thinking to "never being able to get out of here" to......LOOK OUT LA....HERE I COME.......God had set in motion my proper training and training from the world's best. LA here I come
. My first day at the "P" home was an eye opener. First off they got these guys up at 5:30 in the morning!! ouch..There was this old nurse who worked the grave yard shift and the guys who hadn't done a number 2 in the last three days would get a visit at around 3 am from "Nurse Nasty Fingers"..on the day I started she had made the rounds..sure enough at about the time I came on it was "Bombs over Tokyo" I showed up and met Ron the day guy..Tall, slender, quiet, Catholic man who would train me and who in his own quiet way teach me a lot about a "servants life". We walk into the first room and this poor guy in laying in bed covered from chin to shin in you know what...I look at Ron and go..."Are they all like this"...he goes 'No you're just lucky"...story of my life....
Just prior to all this there were a couple of things going on. There were two magazines that I never missed an issue "Guitar Player" and "Contemporary Christian Music".The first kept me up on all things guitar and the other would keep me inspired in the world of Christian Music. More about these later. I came across a book and then a cassette series by a really great bible teacher named Bob Mumford. I felt myself drawn to intensely study the first few books of the bible mostly the story of Moses and the Children Of Israel their delivery from Egypt crossing the Red Sea,Mount Sinai the 10 Commandment the Wilderness and finally crossing Jordan and taking the Promised Land. Mumford's book had less to do with "temptation" and a lot more to do with trials and how God works in our life thru adversity and pain. Bob would introduce to me a doctrine that I would fully embrace and would give me insight in the years to follow that help me "Hold fast my profession of faith"in the face of full frontal adversity and defeat Let me clarify There were two teachers that would make a major impact and a life long impression. Bob Mumford taught me how to endure and Kenneth Hagin taught me how to believe. Here are Mumfords laws,"the Law of the "Four P's" simple but very profound "PROMISE"..God told the Jews.."I will give you homes you did not build..vines you did not plant and you will eat the fat of the land ,I send you to a good land that flows with milk and honey", "PRINCIPLE the 10 Commandments. " You Shall have no other God's Before me".then comes...the hard part...ok...milk and honey...vineyards...leeks and garlic...homes I didn't build...the "PROBLEM".....between Egypt and the promised land was this little trek....called "THE WILDERNESS"....hot dry ...miserable...with not much to eat(manna) or drink(bitter water)....and a lot of complaining.....and because of all the complaining...what started out as a week and a few days...turned into 40....YEARS...and finally after God raised up a whole new generation of warriors...from a group of grumbling slaves...the "PROVISION"...Promise,Principle,Problem,and Provision.....30 years later I would come across a preacher who was teaching something very close to this...this time using the life of Joseph(you know "coat of many colors guy)some one like the early Jews I could SO SO relate to...Graham Cook a pastor from Scotland who pastors out of southern California..his was "the Laws of the four D's.....Declaration,Distress,Development, Demonstration!..frankly in time I would live all of these...and in some way still looking for the promised land....but this doctrine would prepare me to know..and get ready for the wilderness and fully realize that the choices and attitude you adopt and embrace while walking the hot sand..sweating...living on manna..is the difference between a Holy Solider or Bleached Bones..and it amazed me how many believers never "got this" Pastor Graham said if you were ever going to be a trail blazer or innovator...the four D's were unavoidable...having been there...I whole heartedly agree!
The 70's had ended that decade had started with a bitter downer....the loss of Jimi,Janis,Jim Morrison Momma Cass and Dwayne Allman...along with Bruce Lee...out of the death of the "love Generation" and our heros ...came in full bloom..".the Jesus People" and the birth of "Christian Music and my salvation baptism and call the 70's would see the death of Keith Moon,Jon Bonnham..the end of Led Zep the rise of Punk,The Ramones...the Clash...and ...God save the Queen.......DISCO.....so when the 80's arrived it was like What will THIS BRING?.....the 80's for me would be an amazing decade....with equal parts....joy and heartache,,,,it seems God always hands me a plate with equal piles of joy and pain on it and here is some wonderful JOY along with a cup full glass...sorry it can't be helped......waiter...there seems to be something dead and smelly in soup!!! This would be the greatest period of true spiritual growth for me. The hotter the fire the purer the gold. I have always looked at what ever hard time as something God was trying to teach me.
1980.....I'm playing a lot of guitar....and learning to be a caregiver Frankly I grew to truly love my job and the old guys and gals I cared for. I found myself there many times late at night before I'd leave to go home. if someone was having a bad day....I'd go pray for them.....
There began a growing desire...this NEED......as I continued to develop as a musician and guitar player I began to really thirst to understand music. To study it. Learn about harmony and theory, learn scales. At the time I had chops..I was becoming a serious "shredder"(before I even knew what "shred"ment) but I couldn't tell you what I was doing I hardly knew what the names of the chords were..so I was beginning to see a wall approaching.
I had come across an article in "Guitar player" about this school that had just started in Hollywood California. "The Guitar Institute of Technology" GIT for short. My first impression was "Wow would I love to study there"!!!..then my second..."I'm probably not good enough". There again, me not giving myself credit..for my playing...and both my intelligence and talent.
By 1982 I had been married,divorced and remarried. My first ex,would produce a child that she would tell me was not mine. It was hard, to say the least and, I felt so quilty. But I'm usually one to take to heart lessons to be learned by mistakes made. I came before God truly sorry and deeply committed this to him. I prayed for His Total will. So on the day that I went to see this baby for the first time I was nervous,scared but prepared to accept the responsibility of my actions. Pay the price monthly. When my ex said she wasn't mine. I was far to young...to poor and to fragile to fight..I took their word for it..with a clear conscience..I had asked for God's will in the face of doing something very wrong..it was a turning point...rather than run away...move back to Monterey,,,where my Dad had offered me both a place to sleep and a trade to learn...I decided to stay and face the music. But I remember driving away that day thinking.."Yea they are probably lying to me..but really they got money,a stable home..that little girl will grow up fine....and someday,,,,someday...she will want to know who her Father really is. I fully committed her to God's care..and 26 years later we would meet..and I would see fully how God and kept the precious gift I had committed to Him in His care and protection. She became an award winnng graphic artist...a gift she probably inherited from me...a fine singer..married with her own home and a happy life...it was wonderful to see her connect with my other two daughters she being the only girl in her family growing up. And it was so funny to see how much she acted like an Olsen. When I did finally meet her what really floored me was she was the spitting image of my mother. Amazing. She is an amazing kid...a testament to God's amazing 'longveiw"of our lives...and face it....with God...things "work out fine".
After getting married I decided what was needed was time off. We were young and stupidly in love..So I backed away from playing live. really there wasn't much out there to do at the time. The Sonshine Inn had closed and frankly my church wasn't really offering me much support. So I just worked at the P home played guitar at home and spent the evening as a young married guy. Occasionally I would experience those "Inside outside" moments...when I would be minding my own business and God would come along and say'Get ready.....something is coming"...."My hand is on you for a task to perform"...I'm would...ooh...ok WHAT??...then....poof...silence...irritating at times...
The church at this time was conducting a series of special services. The had brought up a special speaker from a large church in Canada. (He and Pastor Jack I think had gone to school together years before.)
They called these "Presbytery" meetings. What they would do was alter both the lives of those who attended and the direction of the church. For me I just showed up hoping to stay out of the way and watch what happened. The Pastor that they had brought up had the "Gift of Prophecy"...one of that "Five Fold Ministry" I mentioned earlier. So having never heard of a meeting called a "Presbytery" but being somewhat aware of the Five Fold...we went...and...my life once again changed forever..the meeting started with really good worship. I could tell something was in the air...as we began to pray and worship Jack would walk around the room and "as he felt led"pick singles..couples out of the crowd. It was uncanny how "on the money" this guy was..considering that there was no way he could know or even remember things about these folks he had a word for.
I'm standing there trying to be invisible when I open my eyes and see Jack pointing at the two of us. I nervously walk forward frankly half scared out of my wits. He and Jack begin to pray and lay their hands on us ..and I here the Prophet say..." You have been upset of late by those who you believe have hurt and betrayed you"...as those word began to ripple off this guys lips...I stood..frozen...could not even twitch...every fiber of my being was "wide awake and at full attention"...something very important was happening..."But hear my words...."Thus Says the Lord..."....I am Grooming you...preparing you....you will NO LONGER BE A MAN WISHY WASHY...tossed about by every opinion thrown your way..you will no longer be a man WITH A STRONG OPINION ON EVERYTHING BUT WHAT GOD HAS TO SAY!!!.....YOU WILL BE A MAN WITH A STRONG OPINION ON WHAT GOD HAS TO SAY..you will say "YES !!!!THIS IS GOD...THIS IS HIS WILL AND HIS WORD AND I WILL WALK IN IT...I am grooming you...TURN YOUR FACE .. TO.. THE.. SUN.!!!!...BASK IN IT'S GLORY ...FORGET THE PAST AND PRESS ON TO THE HIGH CALLING IN CHRIST THAT I AM CALLING YOU TO .....PLANT YOUR SOUL IN THE DEEP DEEP EARTH OF GOD'S LOVE........THIS IS....PREPARATION....PREPARATION.....PREPARATION....do this and you will reap a reward no man can take from you!!............I stood there breathless....sweating like a sinner on sunday....speechless....light headed and weak in the knees....once again GOD had invaded my life powerfully.....I was dumbfounded....I stumbled back to my seat...as the power of that word began to sink in...a fire had ignited in my soul and something that was not there a moment ago now stood in my soul... God had birthed in me .."IRON FAITH"....and it began to spread thru my whole being. I felt the beginnings of a" forged by fire" life that would grow far beyond my home town.. After the service they gave me a cassette of that. I would keep it with me for years and years. That word would grow and grow.. change me and reveal God's will for me time and time again...
Not long after this I found myself at the local music store...our home town guitar shop had been there since 1949. Started and run by an eccentric former accordion player who ran a rag tag little store that was full of odd characters, and lots of "stuff"...I was nosing around one day when I met a guy who would be one of those people who would drift in and out of my life for years to come....Bob..Bob was the new guitar teacher a very friendly guy with a big smile and a perpetual twinkle in his eye..I like him right away! ...and...(check this out) a recent GRADUATE OF....G.I.T!!!!!.all right folks...this 1982...Fairbanks Alaska...GIT is a mear 5 years old....the odds of me running into a graduate from that school..in Fairbanks???...for those of you that have never looked at a globe...see LA and the rest of the "cool" world....now go all the way to the top....back down an inch or so....and there's Fairbanks..smack dab in the middle of nowhere...so I'm eye to eye with someone who had just finished what I really wanted to do....only GOD could arrange this....Bob was just about to be the Que. ball to my 8 ball and send me flying into the corner pocket!!! after he told me that he had just graduated from GIT I was sitting there noodling on this rather nice single cut away "Ovation"...classical guitar..I said"Man I'd LOVE to go to that school but I'm not sure I'm good enough..not knowing much about music and not being able to sight read"...He looks strait at me and says` `````````````````````````` something that would once again...change my life..."You would have...NO PROBLEM..getting accepted...no problem"...REALLY!!!..so I signed up for private lessons...ran out the door...went right home and fired off letter to GIT...told the wife what had happened...
A week later the letter came with the forms and a request for an audition tape..meantime I was literally devouring everything Bob could teach me..scales,chord,harmony....I sent off the packet and got approved in short order for a student loan..the 8 ball was flying across that table heading for the corner pocket!!.
A somewhat odd but interesting note here. A wonderful couple at church had built a nice big house in a nice part of town and one of the cool things they did was build a small cozy apartment just for Granny...our"Mother " from the church..This gave Granny the freedom to sell her "old rickety house" and move into this cozy little afair close to family and church..a friend at church bought the house and renovated it...and rented it to me...It was cool and maybe a little spooky at times to sit on the steps and think about my first chord or sit in the living room and remember those early meetings...sometimes I would go stand on the spot where I had my life changing moment with God...I almost wanted to duct tape an "X" there just for sentimental reasons....
Bob and I continued to meet and finally he looked at me and said..."Dude there is nothing left I can teach you"...Bob helped me record my audition tape for GIT...He had spent time while in the military in Japan...He came back with two really nice reel to reel..two track...recorders. I had one of the first "Rockman" headphone amps...a device created by Tom Scholtze of "Boston" fame...an amazing thing for it's time.. Just plug in your guitar..put on the head phones...and you sound like "Jimi Hendrix at Winterland through a stack of Marshals"...Bob had these vynel lp's called "Drum Drops"...per recorded live drums of different styles and tempo's...I had an Takamine electric acoustic. We ran the Drum drops onto one two track with my acoustic....mixed them together...then on the other two track I mixed a "clean guitar track"...and a Distorted one with some nice chorus and delay...mixed those together..then he bouced all four down to one tract..it came out surprisingly good sounding....Hey...the Beatles only had two four tracks and they recorded "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely heart Club Band " not much more than what I had....and it ROCKED!!!so we sent that off to school...and in a week or two I got my......TICKET TO RIDE"....I had been accepted....all this happened from my first meeting with Bob to getting my loan approved, recording my demo,and getting accepted...and sucking up everything I could from him.....maybe 3 months...I went from thinking to "never being able to get out of here" to......LOOK OUT LA....HERE I COME.......God had set in motion my proper training and training from the world's best. LA here I come
Something funny
"GRAPE KOOL AIDE"
After my brother Randy had his night of wedding and "woop de do" I went to work on the line. I had transfered my card to the Fairbanks local. What I was really trying for was a gig at the city with Randy...I was happy with 40 hours a week..fixing pot holes during the summer and shoveling snow all winter. I came one number to getting just that except a school friend of mine named "Melvin" took the gig....I should have talked him out of it cause I knew he wanted to go up north and frankly I really didn't. Melvin had "overdosed" on acid....not once...not twice....but FIVE TIMES"!!!!.....ok this left the poor guy about as sharp as a bowl of oat meal...and Randy would tell me all about it...so I took a gig up north...the summer of 76 when our country turned 200 I was working at "Isabelle Pass"...I remember my first day on the job they hand me a shovel,a pair of rubber boots and take me to a large pond that was basically a half football field size "cess pool"...some how during the winter it had backed up and now it was a two story sized pile of frozen POO AND PEE PEE with pieces of toilet paper hanging off it...our job was to thaw it out with steam tubes chop it up and pull the lining out straight....and another thing....it SMELLED,SMELLED LIKE RANK DEAD POO!!!!!, My first day I ask one of the guys...."Do they put all the new guys here..?"thinking this was some sort of initiation.....He goes...."No dude your just lucky"....story of my life....so a poo shoveling I went.......mean time when I wasn't on the line I stayed with some friends in town...Mike C(Mr Up with People,boy scott guy) GB and another friend from school....Reed...one of the coolest most intense guys I knew...I remember him from school one day I was catching the bus with some gal from school out in North Pole....Reed came on the bus...all bad with a tude to match....went to the back of the bus...pulled out a blues harp and played non-stop for 45 minutes....he was one of the best harp players I ever knew. So I was back for R&R and hanging out with the boys when they did something funny one day. Mike C had by now got a job with Alaska Airlines (where he still works today) Reed was working somewhere....GB had gotten this job with the State of Alaska as an audiologist ,testing how deaf people were...tuff gig considering he had no degree....now let's go back a ways....
When I first met GB he was this..out door kinda guy...wearing big hiking boots,a huge back pack and a leather hat with beads and feathers sticking out everywhere. I still remember the night at the One way In when GB got "touched"...I'm not sure if he had been saved before...his aunt was a believer. I just remember that night....The Jesus people had been praying for GB and it was like this....his legs turned into rubber...He kept falling down and we kept picking him up...and all he kept saying was...."I never felt like this before"....boom back on the floor...we pick him up and .."I never felt like this before".....boom back on the floor. So one day Gb decides....camping,hunting,sticking feathers in his hat ...wasn't cool anymore.....gormet food....fine wine ...would be his new "Image"....problem was Mike C and Reed as well as Randy....all knew it was a .....show...fake...Now at my age....hey the guy could cook....developed a very refined taste in wine...food,cheese, bread....20 years before any of us......but then it was pretentious and snobby and misunderstood We were staying at these apartments in midtown and GB would come home to yet another "room behind the couch"...go figure...he was always sleeping behind a couch....with a lamp,books,a cassette player and a sleeping bag...But at this time Gb had this "fancy" gig at the State...he would come home everyday with a copy of the "Wall Street Journnal"....at my age I know about stocks...securities...bonds.....at that time I don't think that GB knew the difference between a bond or a bong frankly.....but every day he would come home take off 100.00 Italian "racing gloves"..( weird because he didn't even own a car...let alone an italian one)....GB had a crystal decantor...that he would keep his red wine in....in the fridge no less....ok all you red drinkers know....you never store red in the fridge. Red wine is always..ALWAYS...stored at room temp...anyway...off would come the gloves...out would come the Journal and out would pour a class of red out of the "fine decator and into a crystal...goblet" .......each day around that time he would come home we ...were almost always watching reruns of "Star Trek"....so one day I come home. getting ready to return up north . Mike C and Reed said this....." We were drinking beer today......so we ran out....and didn't have any cash to get more beer.......so the thought occurred to us......GB has a whole bottle of wine sitting in the fridge....in that fancy smancy...crystal..decantor...well we drank all that ....and having no cash to replace the wine.....we came up with an "alternative"....we replaced the good wine with.....GRAPE KOOL-AIDE.....ok folks.....let me educate you about both wine experts and "foodies"....all good wine drinkers...rather they are...consumers or experts. know.. ONE look at a bottle...see the color..smell the bouquet...the moment the cork comes off the bottle or the top comes off the decantor....they know....KNOW the difference between......fine wine.....and sugary grape......KOOL AIDE......the boys tell me to play it cool....I'm like sitting there watching Mr Spock,Bones,Zulu.....Captain Kirk......while GB.....takes off the 100.00 italian racing gloves....opens up them Journal....like he's Warren Buffet(long before we even knew who the "Oracle of Ohmaha"would ever be)....cracks open the decantor.....Spock......Chekoff....out of the side of my eye........he's reading the Journal.....slowly....he reaches for his crystal....goblet.....hell I could smell the sugar from across the room.....reminded me of grade school.....every trailer park home knows that smell of sugar and kool-aide....I'm looking at my drunken friends....Mike....Reed....and they are REALLY REALLY trying to maintain....not appear to be as hammered as they are.......James T Kirk......the Horta.....warp drive......dilithium crystals......Scotty.....beam me up.....FINALLY........LIPS TO THE GOBLET!!!!!!.....silence........then....then....WHAT IS THIS SHIT!!!!!.......WHERE IS MY WINE.....WHAT DID YOU ASSHOLES....DO......YUK....across the room and into the sink flies the decantor.....meantime the tension breaks....and everyone....even me wind up on the floor in fits of laughter.....I wonder if they ever replaced his wine......I forget......I'm sure they did...well at least you would think they would.....KOOL AIDE....RIPPLE....MAD DOG 2020, MERLOT....IT'S ALL THE SAME TO A PRETENDER...
After my brother Randy had his night of wedding and "woop de do" I went to work on the line. I had transfered my card to the Fairbanks local. What I was really trying for was a gig at the city with Randy...I was happy with 40 hours a week..fixing pot holes during the summer and shoveling snow all winter. I came one number to getting just that except a school friend of mine named "Melvin" took the gig....I should have talked him out of it cause I knew he wanted to go up north and frankly I really didn't. Melvin had "overdosed" on acid....not once...not twice....but FIVE TIMES"!!!!.....ok this left the poor guy about as sharp as a bowl of oat meal...and Randy would tell me all about it...so I took a gig up north...the summer of 76 when our country turned 200 I was working at "Isabelle Pass"...I remember my first day on the job they hand me a shovel,a pair of rubber boots and take me to a large pond that was basically a half football field size "cess pool"...some how during the winter it had backed up and now it was a two story sized pile of frozen POO AND PEE PEE with pieces of toilet paper hanging off it...our job was to thaw it out with steam tubes chop it up and pull the lining out straight....and another thing....it SMELLED,SMELLED LIKE RANK DEAD POO!!!!!, My first day I ask one of the guys...."Do they put all the new guys here..?"thinking this was some sort of initiation.....He goes...."No dude your just lucky"....story of my life....so a poo shoveling I went.......mean time when I wasn't on the line I stayed with some friends in town...Mike C(Mr Up with People,boy scott guy) GB and another friend from school....Reed...one of the coolest most intense guys I knew...I remember him from school one day I was catching the bus with some gal from school out in North Pole....Reed came on the bus...all bad with a tude to match....went to the back of the bus...pulled out a blues harp and played non-stop for 45 minutes....he was one of the best harp players I ever knew. So I was back for R&R and hanging out with the boys when they did something funny one day. Mike C had by now got a job with Alaska Airlines (where he still works today) Reed was working somewhere....GB had gotten this job with the State of Alaska as an audiologist ,testing how deaf people were...tuff gig considering he had no degree....now let's go back a ways....
When I first met GB he was this..out door kinda guy...wearing big hiking boots,a huge back pack and a leather hat with beads and feathers sticking out everywhere. I still remember the night at the One way In when GB got "touched"...I'm not sure if he had been saved before...his aunt was a believer. I just remember that night....The Jesus people had been praying for GB and it was like this....his legs turned into rubber...He kept falling down and we kept picking him up...and all he kept saying was...."I never felt like this before"....boom back on the floor...we pick him up and .."I never felt like this before".....boom back on the floor. So one day Gb decides....camping,hunting,sticking feathers in his hat ...wasn't cool anymore.....gormet food....fine wine ...would be his new "Image"....problem was Mike C and Reed as well as Randy....all knew it was a .....show...fake...Now at my age....hey the guy could cook....developed a very refined taste in wine...food,cheese, bread....20 years before any of us......but then it was pretentious and snobby and misunderstood We were staying at these apartments in midtown and GB would come home to yet another "room behind the couch"...go figure...he was always sleeping behind a couch....with a lamp,books,a cassette player and a sleeping bag...But at this time Gb had this "fancy" gig at the State...he would come home everyday with a copy of the "Wall Street Journnal"....at my age I know about stocks...securities...bonds.....at that time I don't think that GB knew the difference between a bond or a bong frankly.....but every day he would come home take off 100.00 Italian "racing gloves"..( weird because he didn't even own a car...let alone an italian one)....GB had a crystal decantor...that he would keep his red wine in....in the fridge no less....ok all you red drinkers know....you never store red in the fridge. Red wine is always..ALWAYS...stored at room temp...anyway...off would come the gloves...out would come the Journal and out would pour a class of red out of the "fine decator and into a crystal...goblet" .......each day around that time he would come home we ...were almost always watching reruns of "Star Trek"....so one day I come home. getting ready to return up north . Mike C and Reed said this....." We were drinking beer today......so we ran out....and didn't have any cash to get more beer.......so the thought occurred to us......GB has a whole bottle of wine sitting in the fridge....in that fancy smancy...crystal..decantor...well we drank all that ....and having no cash to replace the wine.....we came up with an "alternative"....we replaced the good wine with.....GRAPE KOOL-AIDE.....ok folks.....let me educate you about both wine experts and "foodies"....all good wine drinkers...rather they are...consumers or experts. know.. ONE look at a bottle...see the color..smell the bouquet...the moment the cork comes off the bottle or the top comes off the decantor....they know....KNOW the difference between......fine wine.....and sugary grape......KOOL AIDE......the boys tell me to play it cool....I'm like sitting there watching Mr Spock,Bones,Zulu.....Captain Kirk......while GB.....takes off the 100.00 italian racing gloves....opens up them Journal....like he's Warren Buffet(long before we even knew who the "Oracle of Ohmaha"would ever be)....cracks open the decantor.....Spock......Chekoff....out of the side of my eye........he's reading the Journal.....slowly....he reaches for his crystal....goblet.....hell I could smell the sugar from across the room.....reminded me of grade school.....every trailer park home knows that smell of sugar and kool-aide....I'm looking at my drunken friends....Mike....Reed....and they are REALLY REALLY trying to maintain....not appear to be as hammered as they are.......James T Kirk......the Horta.....warp drive......dilithium crystals......Scotty.....beam me up.....FINALLY........LIPS TO THE GOBLET!!!!!!.....silence........then....then....WHAT IS THIS SHIT!!!!!.......WHERE IS MY WINE.....WHAT DID YOU ASSHOLES....DO......YUK....across the room and into the sink flies the decantor.....meantime the tension breaks....and everyone....even me wind up on the floor in fits of laughter.....I wonder if they ever replaced his wine......I forget......I'm sure they did...well at least you would think they would.....KOOL AIDE....RIPPLE....MAD DOG 2020, MERLOT....IT'S ALL THE SAME TO A PRETENDER...
Paying the dues to ply
"The High cost of a High Call....or Payin the Dues and Livin the Blues"
I don't know if what I have can be considered a "High" call but it was a call none the less. I had a sense of destiny,a purpose and little else when I started. At this point things were simmering away on the burner like pasta almost ready to serve. God had given me all the elements to succeed I just needed time.
As I said with a call comes a crisis. At least for a season. The enemy will try to convince you that your situation is both permanent and hopeless but in fact there is a river Jorden for those who don't become "bleached bones" in the desert. I knew that, having studied the Word on it, now I was living it. And I was in the struggle of my life.
From nearly the moment I arrived in LA there seemed to be a strangle hold on any flow on income. It wasn't for lack of trying on my part nor an unwillingness to gain skill or schooling. In fact when I wasn't working I was looking, or back in school to gain skills. But here is the deal. You are not in the wilderness to live easy,prosper, or have a sunday drive. The wilderness turns slaves into servants and wimps into warriors or it kills you. This period was like living a guitar solo with notes that soared with passion and triumph right next to ones that ended in twisted phrases and broken strings.
Misunderstood by friends,fellow Christians(who should have known better) and family only I and a very few knew what was on the line. Our souls. I came close to packing and going on 5 different times being under constant pressure from said family and spouse . I also knew this that despite the hardness and lack of just about everything I was dead center God's will for me and that was were I had to be no other option period!. God's children followed Moses thru 40 years of hardness and hardship. Those who had longed for the "Leeks and Garlic"of Egypt would find that their complaining and harness of heart condemed them to 40 years as opposed to 11 days. In my study of them I could see Joshua and Caleb had 40 years to to raise a generation from slaves and train them to become a desciplined army. Thru years of marching,setting up camp,raising the Tabernackle of Moses,gathering manna. I found so few believers understood this. Slaves to this one thing...Security..I once heard a preacher say security is an enemy of faith. I say AMEN.
During this time I lived in the Word. The Bible is a "Cook Book" for life with all the recipes needed that serve the soul...It became my "Real Book Chart" my guide thru the Jazz of turmoil,trial and test. Ken would always tell how he respected my knowledge and understanding of God's word.. I lived on it and the books and tapes of preachers like Kenneth Hagin,Norvel Hayes and Kenneth Copeland. They inspired me to face the wind, and persaivere in faith. This wasn't a "name it and claim it" thing for me..I wasn't asking for a new car,new house...I was claiming food on my table to feed my babies. There were many a night when the wife and kids were asleep that I would walk the floor and pray. When your life is reduced to desert sand and manna who do you turn to?As I would percivere in pray, some extra finance would come in or there would be a let up in the oppression. It was almost daily warfare. I was fighting on all fronts..At work,with the Saints and at home..my only true solace and joy were Jeremy and Jessica. They were such a source of joy and love. They filled me and motivated me to stand my ground against the powers of hell that were leaning on me daily.
What was about to happen was something I was not ready for or knew how to handle. It would blow my church in two,wreck havoc in the band and eventually destroy my marriage and stumble me hard. We had taken in my sister-in law. and noticed at one point that she had begun to complain about headaches. Then one day she was having trouble seeing out of one eye. The Doc gave her some glasses to fix what he called a "lazy eye". One day she was in school became very very dizzy and threw up. She came home and for the next 6 weeks laid on our couch while we took to Doctor after Doctor trying to figure out why every time she sat up she got sick and threw up. I spent a lot of time with her and the wife praying and praying while we tried to deal with this. Finally on Christmas eve of that year she was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. 9 month later she passed away just weeks after turning 18. Tragic and saddening beyond words. This had a very adverse effect on our church.There was a group of prayer warriors who were believing she would get healed. The pastor wanted the family to be prepared for the worst. When the worst happened it split the church in two. My wife went back to Alaska to bury her only sister. Little did I know what affect that would have on her. My ex wife was never one to deal with issues up front. We fought constantly over her denial of important issues. We began to attend a new church and having lost my mother I understood grief. But strange things began to happen at home. My good Christian wife began to hang out in bars. I prayed and prayed for her and tried to show her the dead end street she was on. But she chose to run rather than seek help. I won't go into to terrible details here but one night after Stevie and the Saints had played at the Waters Club. my wife who was 3 months pregnant at the time told me she had been unfaithful,and was unsure if the child she was carrying was mine. I had overcome poverty,rejection,I had stood my ground in God and fought the enemy toe to toe but this was far more than I could have handled. The enemy hit me at my most vulnerable. For the next 7 months I had to carry that. Even if the child was not mine the Godly thing would be to adopt her. Turns out Emily is all Olsen. My wife repented we prayed and I forgave her as best I could but it hurt bad. One night in prayer God showed me a blond man coming to my door. I told the wife that the enemy was not done and this man was coming 6 months later I come home from work and standing out side my apt is that same guy. I walk in and point him out...she denies it,but they were doing the deed already. It got worse and worse. By then I had 3 record deals on the table. My hand was squarely on the brass ring. I made the hardest choice she didn't want a divorce but she couldn't stay in LA. So I walked away from a recording career to try to save a family. I would try for 8 more years until she dove back into that putrid filth again. She would total destroy my whole life and I would be 10 years rebuilding. That is the high cost of Christian dedication.
I don't know if what I have can be considered a "High" call but it was a call none the less. I had a sense of destiny,a purpose and little else when I started. At this point things were simmering away on the burner like pasta almost ready to serve. God had given me all the elements to succeed I just needed time.
As I said with a call comes a crisis. At least for a season. The enemy will try to convince you that your situation is both permanent and hopeless but in fact there is a river Jorden for those who don't become "bleached bones" in the desert. I knew that, having studied the Word on it, now I was living it. And I was in the struggle of my life.
From nearly the moment I arrived in LA there seemed to be a strangle hold on any flow on income. It wasn't for lack of trying on my part nor an unwillingness to gain skill or schooling. In fact when I wasn't working I was looking, or back in school to gain skills. But here is the deal. You are not in the wilderness to live easy,prosper, or have a sunday drive. The wilderness turns slaves into servants and wimps into warriors or it kills you. This period was like living a guitar solo with notes that soared with passion and triumph right next to ones that ended in twisted phrases and broken strings.
Misunderstood by friends,fellow Christians(who should have known better) and family only I and a very few knew what was on the line. Our souls. I came close to packing and going on 5 different times being under constant pressure from said family and spouse . I also knew this that despite the hardness and lack of just about everything I was dead center God's will for me and that was were I had to be no other option period!. God's children followed Moses thru 40 years of hardness and hardship. Those who had longed for the "Leeks and Garlic"of Egypt would find that their complaining and harness of heart condemed them to 40 years as opposed to 11 days. In my study of them I could see Joshua and Caleb had 40 years to to raise a generation from slaves and train them to become a desciplined army. Thru years of marching,setting up camp,raising the Tabernackle of Moses,gathering manna. I found so few believers understood this. Slaves to this one thing...Security..I once heard a preacher say security is an enemy of faith. I say AMEN.
During this time I lived in the Word. The Bible is a "Cook Book" for life with all the recipes needed that serve the soul...It became my "Real Book Chart" my guide thru the Jazz of turmoil,trial and test. Ken would always tell how he respected my knowledge and understanding of God's word.. I lived on it and the books and tapes of preachers like Kenneth Hagin,Norvel Hayes and Kenneth Copeland. They inspired me to face the wind, and persaivere in faith. This wasn't a "name it and claim it" thing for me..I wasn't asking for a new car,new house...I was claiming food on my table to feed my babies. There were many a night when the wife and kids were asleep that I would walk the floor and pray. When your life is reduced to desert sand and manna who do you turn to?As I would percivere in pray, some extra finance would come in or there would be a let up in the oppression. It was almost daily warfare. I was fighting on all fronts..At work,with the Saints and at home..my only true solace and joy were Jeremy and Jessica. They were such a source of joy and love. They filled me and motivated me to stand my ground against the powers of hell that were leaning on me daily.
What was about to happen was something I was not ready for or knew how to handle. It would blow my church in two,wreck havoc in the band and eventually destroy my marriage and stumble me hard. We had taken in my sister-in law. and noticed at one point that she had begun to complain about headaches. Then one day she was having trouble seeing out of one eye. The Doc gave her some glasses to fix what he called a "lazy eye". One day she was in school became very very dizzy and threw up. She came home and for the next 6 weeks laid on our couch while we took to Doctor after Doctor trying to figure out why every time she sat up she got sick and threw up. I spent a lot of time with her and the wife praying and praying while we tried to deal with this. Finally on Christmas eve of that year she was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. 9 month later she passed away just weeks after turning 18. Tragic and saddening beyond words. This had a very adverse effect on our church.There was a group of prayer warriors who were believing she would get healed. The pastor wanted the family to be prepared for the worst. When the worst happened it split the church in two. My wife went back to Alaska to bury her only sister. Little did I know what affect that would have on her. My ex wife was never one to deal with issues up front. We fought constantly over her denial of important issues. We began to attend a new church and having lost my mother I understood grief. But strange things began to happen at home. My good Christian wife began to hang out in bars. I prayed and prayed for her and tried to show her the dead end street she was on. But she chose to run rather than seek help. I won't go into to terrible details here but one night after Stevie and the Saints had played at the Waters Club. my wife who was 3 months pregnant at the time told me she had been unfaithful,and was unsure if the child she was carrying was mine. I had overcome poverty,rejection,I had stood my ground in God and fought the enemy toe to toe but this was far more than I could have handled. The enemy hit me at my most vulnerable. For the next 7 months I had to carry that. Even if the child was not mine the Godly thing would be to adopt her. Turns out Emily is all Olsen. My wife repented we prayed and I forgave her as best I could but it hurt bad. One night in prayer God showed me a blond man coming to my door. I told the wife that the enemy was not done and this man was coming 6 months later I come home from work and standing out side my apt is that same guy. I walk in and point him out...she denies it,but they were doing the deed already. It got worse and worse. By then I had 3 record deals on the table. My hand was squarely on the brass ring. I made the hardest choice she didn't want a divorce but she couldn't stay in LA. So I walked away from a recording career to try to save a family. I would try for 8 more years until she dove back into that putrid filth again. She would total destroy my whole life and I would be 10 years rebuilding. That is the high cost of Christian dedication.
Learning to live with Loss
"Motherless Child" and the Birth of a "Care Giver"
While I continued to "work the line", I became involved with a church that my buddy Randy was going to. I remember my first meeting with the pastor...Jack..who I had known from Granny's. The meeting was shall we say...less than inviting...he basically tore me a new..mainly for my involvement with the "One Way In"..guilty by association. I was a walking wounded at this time anyway...still screwed up over the breakup of my last year in high school...what little self esteem I had or self confidence..was fragile at best and Pastor Jack,even though I think meant well...pretty much trashed me..it would be something I would continue to struggle with for years...a feeling in church like I was never quite "good enough"..never made the cut...never "lived up to it all"...in the years that followed I came to this conclusion...I was just plain DIFFERENT and was dealing with a group of people who were didn't"get it" and were never gonna "get it"...I had a different call and path to walk...and this tiny small minded little town couldn't back then wrap it's head around that.I would eventually find out just how different when i would take a "Briggs Meyers" temperment test and find that I occupied less than 1% of the general public.
The question then was"Why did you go to a church that abused you"?..my friends were there. simple...but there was developing in me this"Hang tough" mind set that would later in my life get me thru some really hard times..The "Church" at this time was entering into what I thought then and still feel today..a very harmful period...the whole.."Being Covered"...the mind set that you needed to be...baptized into the body of Christ...and "submitted the Authority...of the "Five Fold"...ministry"...Apostles,Prophets,Teachers, Evangelists and Pastors"...frankly at this time going to church for me felt more like "punching a time clock" than worshipping with the saints...dismal....I seemed to get "picked on and picked at"...more than encouraged in the faith...frankly IT SUCKED!!!!" It was LOVE that brought me to Christ....not LEGALISM"...and as time went by this "Ball and chain " began to get heavier....I started to feel like I couldn't blow my nose..change my mind or wipe my rear end ...without calling the "Elders" and getting their OK...it was frankly...STUPID!!. I remember Randy had asked me to sit in with the church band and help out...I was cool with it at the time..Pastor Jack had taken a 6 month sabbatical ...he had come back and called me up right after he had returned...I'm thinking..".cool my pastor wants to see how I'm doing"...well I go up to where he is building a new house...no "How you doing Steve...I been praying for you..."He fires me from the church band for missing....2 sundays...I tried to explain to him that "I WAS ON VACATION AND THERE BY OUT OF TOWN"...didn't make a dent...and honestly...playing for them guys was beginning to feel like a waste of both my time and the God given talent he had handed me.....as I told Randy...the church is making something very simple....unBELIEVABLY.....COMPLICATED!!!ok it's simple I love God and want to play my guitar for him...why do I have to forever..."pass the audition"? Much of this was in my humble opinion borderline..."cult" activity...built on shame guilt and manipulation and not the Love Of God that is based on freedom..faith and as the bible says..."Accepted in the Beloved"...these experiences alienated me from not God but his Church...Funny though...seeing today where my road led...the life of a "worship musician"...was ultimately...not in God's plan...and it started there. Discouragement came in "buckets" encouragement.....in "drops"...but a very funny and cool thing was beginning to happen to me out in the "real world"...the world someday that would pay me...everytime I walked into a local music store and picked up a guitar...plugged in,dialed up some lush distortion and began to play I would find myself surrounded in short order by fans of the guitar...without me even trying to raise so much as a whisper..kids ....ooooing and aaaaaaaing...."dude how do you do that?...where do you play?....how do you get that tone?.....do you give lessons?...it was a bit schizophrenic....At church where I had once found solace,acceptance and encouragement...and where I continued to offer my gift and was repeatedly rejected...here among the "sinners" I found acceptance and........ "RESPECT"...no questions asked...simple and easy......
With my first two jobs two jobs up north I bought 2 things a black Gibson Les Paul Custom and a Martin D-28...I've had the Martin ever since and it has been a dear friend thru many an up and down in my life...I continued to work the line while I was abused at church until..The Pipeline was done...it was then that I got a call from my Dad...he needed help with Mom..I had nothing going on and after the "Line" was done ...you were hard pressed to buy a job in town sweeping floors...or flipping burgers...the boom went bust....so I went home to help my Dad with my poor Mom. Let's look back....My mother had "Huntington's" disease...for those unaware..It's an inherited disease that has all the worst parts of Parkinson's schizophrenia,and Alstheimers ...my poor mom would be delusional, for days on end and twitch and jerk constantly.....My Grand father on my mom's side had had the disease..story goes he was a finish carpenter who got to ill to hold a hammer and committed suicide. My mom's two older sisters...got the disease...my aunt Leona would spend most of her adult life in an asylum where in those days the only treatment for this was shock therapy....aunt Dolores would get the disease and far out live even her husband...the disease is rarely fatal...it's usually complications of some sort......so imagine...my mom watching first her Dad,then Leona,then Deloros...come down with the disease...knowing what horrible madness lay ahead...God in heaven...what a dark cloud to live under!!!!! I can still remember the day in Anchorage...coming home from 6th grade to find mommy had been diagnosed with "That which she Feared the Most"...she was inconsolable...still despite that cloud Momma lived life,gave birth to 5 kids and loved my Dad passionately....even though it was a "love/ hate" relationship.
Here is the Mother i remember and cherish...when I was 5 or 6...maybe 7 I was in kindergarden or first grade...at this time we didn't seem to have much money...frankly I think my Dad had "went AWOL" from Mom and the family...any way I was feeling left out because all my school friends were coming to school with lunch boxes like "Batman" "Superman"..."Bugs Bunny"...with matching thermoses...full of chocolate milk...while I sat there with a brown bag and peanut butter. I started crying about that one night cause I felt like a loser before I even knew what that meant...Mom finally asked me "Why the tears?"....so in little boy speak I told her.....looking back Dad was AWOL Mom probably didn't have much in the cupboard but here is what she did...momma took out a tin of biscuits and made me not one but 4 "special" sandwiches....2 peanut butter and jam and 2 ham and cheese with French's mustard(my favorite even today) wrapped them up in wax paper like you get at the deli...then she took 4 Gerber baby food jars...went to the sink and washed off the labels(so I wouldn't look, like I was eating baby food)and made me two glasses of milk and then made me two glasses of fresh home made chocolate milk made from Hershey's chocolate powder and sugar!!!!!then she rummaged around in the pantry and found a can of peaches(My favorite)this being the days long before "Tupperware"..she poured what peaches she could in yet another trio of Gerber baby food jars...all this she placed in a shoe box that she tied closed with some Christmas ribbon and placed in the fridge.....the next day I went to school...head held high...with my shoe box of "custom made" "Gourmet" lunch tucked under my arm....eons before I would even know what gourmet meant...that day at noon I ate like the "King of England" feasting on peanut and butter jam, ham and cheese biscuits.....chocolate milk...peaches...out of my "shoes box"...Mom had put a napkin in there and a note...."Stevie I love you!...have a wonderful lunch"...Batman...Superman..and Bugs had nothing on me that day!!!...the power of LOVE and food......
So it was with this in mind I went home to help Dad with Momma...I had watched my dear sweet mother go from the vivasious woman full of life and love to a fragile shadow of her former self. After my Mom's commitment to Christ she completely embraced the bible based concept of healing.My mom accepted the concept that "If you ask anything in my name and believe that you have it you shall recieve it" mom was holding out for a "manisfestation" of God's provision until some well meaning albeit misinformed staffer from her church told her different, he all but handed my mom a death wish.After that Mom wanted to "Go Home".This was So So hard for us as a family,facing our Mothers demise.I remember Ellen called a family meeting, we sat at her dinner counter in her home,Me, Ellen,Daphne and Cindy,I was all of 22 my sisters were 14 and 15,Ellen finally approached the subject."If God decides not to heal Mom ....maybe it would be better if he took Her home,we sat there as this idea sunk in.....then.....Cindy......broke down...and...cried..."I don't want Momma to DIE!!!!!...then all of us began to weep! the reality of losing Mom..to death...was more than we could handle..Cindy crying..we all broke down!!!...we reached out and held each other and wept....wept such sad sad tears....I thought.....God why?why?.....I would so miss Momma...Cindy's tears......so so sad. Yet another road of sorrow I was to walk down....
Meantime Dad and I continued to care for Mom. Finally Mom got to ill for Dad and I handle. At one time Mom had gotten up at night...figuring in her delusional mind that "Jesus was coming to take her to heavan"she decided to open the back door to"let him in" I'm asleep....at about 3 am I wake up to seeing my breath and open my door....it's absolutly.....freezing....it's December....I get up and shut the door...meantime Dad comes out the bedroom and goes,,,,,"what the hell?""""so he looks at Mom and she tells him "Jesus is coming for me....I needed to leave the door open".....ok folks.....how do you deal with that? Dad goes..."Jesus can walk thru walls...he doesn't need you leave the back door open for him in the MIDDLE OF WINTER!!!
At this point mom was having to have everything she ate pureed. She was losing weight. Finally wound up in the hospital. Dad came to conclusion that she was beyond our abilities and had made arrangements with a full time rest home to move her there.....something none of us wanted..especially Mom..I remember the day Dad and I went to the hospital to take her there. As Dad was trying to get Mom to go she stood by the bed and hung on to the bed rails...my Father had to quietly but firmly pry Mom's fingers loose as he said..."Come on Daphne....we have to go"..I could see the pain and conflict written all over my Dad's face..that was one of the hardest things he ever had to do..it was so hard on all of us...
We would come and get Mom for home visits often. I would ask her how they were treating her there and Mom's reply was always..."I love coming home the best"...now that I'm of her age I can fully understand..I would want to come home too.
Dad decided to move back to Monterey afterwards and made me an offer to go with him. So I did. By now Dad was drinking a lot. I can't say that i blame him. I spent the next 8 months working construction with him and enjoying the scene. One of first things I did was go see a concert by one of my biggest influences. Carlos Santana. Eddy Money opened for him and "Two Tickets to Paradice " was everywhere. I would years and years later open a show with him and for years play the pants off that tune. I came very very close to staying in Monterey for good. But I felt God had a plan for me back in Alaska. Still the place was so beutiful...and inspiring. I even started to draw again. By now my influences on the guitar were numerous. Along with Santana, George Benson,Herb Ellis, Joe Pass, BB King, ZZ Top, Hendrix I was soaking it all up. As well as any Christian Music I could find..One guy who would continue to rev me up would be an amazing Chritian Guitar player..Phil Keaggy. He would play a major roll in my music for years.
After 8 months I decided to return to Alaska.
I moved back to Fairbanks and stayed with Randy and Eddy. They had moved to a duplex in town and rented me a room...a few months past, when Ellen called and said Mom had taken a turn for the worst. Life for my sister at this time was not to easy either. She had gone thru a painful divorce but was on the up swing having met a great guy..who would become my brother-In Law..Gary. He would be a tower of strength and strong shoulder for all of us to lean on thru this time. I was stupid broke then. Fairbanks having a down turn after the Pipeline days. But I took off to Anchorage and drove non-stop strait to the hospital. Mom had gotten down to 80 lbs and had pnumonia. I stayed around town and close to Mom for a week. She was just totally out of it. I was in her hospital room when Dad came in. He had flown back from Monterey. I'll never forget how she "came to" as soon as he walked in the door.Dispite all the turmoil in their lives, all the years of strife of pain and betrayal I sat there and witnessed how much they still loved each other as he bent over to hug his now frail wife who was sitting at the edge of eternity. Many years latter I would learn the mystry of love...how love has it's own set of rules and those rules run different for everyone I sat there as I watched them an from deep in my soul I cried and cried. I stayed around for the next week untill I had to go back to work. I kissed Momma good bye and drove back to Fairbanks...little did I know that would be the last time I'd ever see her alive. The night I got back home I'm lying in bed when the phone rings......I Just KNEW KNEW ...Momma was gone...Randy hands the phone to me and it's my ex-brother-in law. I knew....I sat there with Randy and Eddy and wept and wept....I had become a motherless child......motherless child....motherless child.....
For the next 2 years every time I heard a sad song I would brake down and cry. At the time I had a couple of friends who worked as orderlies at the Pioneers Home in Fairbanks. It was a gnarly job. Wiping up after old men and weman. Feeding them,changing soiled beds and giving showers. It did not appeal to me at all. But a very strange happened one day on the bus that would alter my life once again. These were the days before public transportation was set up for the infirmed. I sat there one sunny afternoon and this poor native girl of maybe 21 was trying to get on the bus. 3 small steps. It took her 10 minutes. No one offered to help,not the bus driver, and none of the riders. I could tell by the look on her face how humiliated she felt. Something deep in my spirit broke and I became overwhelmed with compassion. I began to silently weep. That day once again God had replace my heart of stone with a tender heart of flesh. The next day I went to the Pioneers Home and spoke with the head nurse Erma. I was honest and told her I had never done that kind of work before but I had spent years caring for a sick mother. Two weeks later I became a Nurses Aide and have remained in some aspect or another a care giver. From Nursing to 15 years in Mental Health. It has been the most enriching life I ever lived. Each day I remember the Scripture Jesus said "If you do this to the least of my brothern you do this to me" everytime I serve one of them,bath them,clean them,feed them,..I see Jesus. God has blessed me twice I work a day job that makes a daily difference in someones life. And I when I play music it brings joy to those who have little or none. Not a bad life. maybe not a rich one but a truely ENRICHED one.
While I continued to "work the line", I became involved with a church that my buddy Randy was going to. I remember my first meeting with the pastor...Jack..who I had known from Granny's. The meeting was shall we say...less than inviting...he basically tore me a new..mainly for my involvement with the "One Way In"..guilty by association. I was a walking wounded at this time anyway...still screwed up over the breakup of my last year in high school...what little self esteem I had or self confidence..was fragile at best and Pastor Jack,even though I think meant well...pretty much trashed me..it would be something I would continue to struggle with for years...a feeling in church like I was never quite "good enough"..never made the cut...never "lived up to it all"...in the years that followed I came to this conclusion...I was just plain DIFFERENT and was dealing with a group of people who were didn't"get it" and were never gonna "get it"...I had a different call and path to walk...and this tiny small minded little town couldn't back then wrap it's head around that.I would eventually find out just how different when i would take a "Briggs Meyers" temperment test and find that I occupied less than 1% of the general public.
The question then was"Why did you go to a church that abused you"?..my friends were there. simple...but there was developing in me this"Hang tough" mind set that would later in my life get me thru some really hard times..The "Church" at this time was entering into what I thought then and still feel today..a very harmful period...the whole.."Being Covered"...the mind set that you needed to be...baptized into the body of Christ...and "submitted the Authority...of the "Five Fold"...ministry"...Apostles,Prophets,Teachers, Evangelists and Pastors"...frankly at this time going to church for me felt more like "punching a time clock" than worshipping with the saints...dismal....I seemed to get "picked on and picked at"...more than encouraged in the faith...frankly IT SUCKED!!!!" It was LOVE that brought me to Christ....not LEGALISM"...and as time went by this "Ball and chain " began to get heavier....I started to feel like I couldn't blow my nose..change my mind or wipe my rear end ...without calling the "Elders" and getting their OK...it was frankly...STUPID!!. I remember Randy had asked me to sit in with the church band and help out...I was cool with it at the time..Pastor Jack had taken a 6 month sabbatical ...he had come back and called me up right after he had returned...I'm thinking..".cool my pastor wants to see how I'm doing"...well I go up to where he is building a new house...no "How you doing Steve...I been praying for you..."He fires me from the church band for missing....2 sundays...I tried to explain to him that "I WAS ON VACATION AND THERE BY OUT OF TOWN"...didn't make a dent...and honestly...playing for them guys was beginning to feel like a waste of both my time and the God given talent he had handed me.....as I told Randy...the church is making something very simple....unBELIEVABLY.....COMPLICATED!!!ok it's simple I love God and want to play my guitar for him...why do I have to forever..."pass the audition"? Much of this was in my humble opinion borderline..."cult" activity...built on shame guilt and manipulation and not the Love Of God that is based on freedom..faith and as the bible says..."Accepted in the Beloved"...these experiences alienated me from not God but his Church...Funny though...seeing today where my road led...the life of a "worship musician"...was ultimately...not in God's plan...and it started there. Discouragement came in "buckets" encouragement.....in "drops"...but a very funny and cool thing was beginning to happen to me out in the "real world"...the world someday that would pay me...everytime I walked into a local music store and picked up a guitar...plugged in,dialed up some lush distortion and began to play I would find myself surrounded in short order by fans of the guitar...without me even trying to raise so much as a whisper..kids ....ooooing and aaaaaaaing...."dude how do you do that?...where do you play?....how do you get that tone?.....do you give lessons?...it was a bit schizophrenic....At church where I had once found solace,acceptance and encouragement...and where I continued to offer my gift and was repeatedly rejected...here among the "sinners" I found acceptance and........ "RESPECT"...no questions asked...simple and easy......
With my first two jobs two jobs up north I bought 2 things a black Gibson Les Paul Custom and a Martin D-28...I've had the Martin ever since and it has been a dear friend thru many an up and down in my life...I continued to work the line while I was abused at church until..The Pipeline was done...it was then that I got a call from my Dad...he needed help with Mom..I had nothing going on and after the "Line" was done ...you were hard pressed to buy a job in town sweeping floors...or flipping burgers...the boom went bust....so I went home to help my Dad with my poor Mom. Let's look back....My mother had "Huntington's" disease...for those unaware..It's an inherited disease that has all the worst parts of Parkinson's schizophrenia,and Alstheimers ...my poor mom would be delusional, for days on end and twitch and jerk constantly.....My Grand father on my mom's side had had the disease..story goes he was a finish carpenter who got to ill to hold a hammer and committed suicide. My mom's two older sisters...got the disease...my aunt Leona would spend most of her adult life in an asylum where in those days the only treatment for this was shock therapy....aunt Dolores would get the disease and far out live even her husband...the disease is rarely fatal...it's usually complications of some sort......so imagine...my mom watching first her Dad,then Leona,then Deloros...come down with the disease...knowing what horrible madness lay ahead...God in heaven...what a dark cloud to live under!!!!! I can still remember the day in Anchorage...coming home from 6th grade to find mommy had been diagnosed with "That which she Feared the Most"...she was inconsolable...still despite that cloud Momma lived life,gave birth to 5 kids and loved my Dad passionately....even though it was a "love/ hate" relationship.
Here is the Mother i remember and cherish...when I was 5 or 6...maybe 7 I was in kindergarden or first grade...at this time we didn't seem to have much money...frankly I think my Dad had "went AWOL" from Mom and the family...any way I was feeling left out because all my school friends were coming to school with lunch boxes like "Batman" "Superman"..."Bugs Bunny"...with matching thermoses...full of chocolate milk...while I sat there with a brown bag and peanut butter. I started crying about that one night cause I felt like a loser before I even knew what that meant...Mom finally asked me "Why the tears?"....so in little boy speak I told her.....looking back Dad was AWOL Mom probably didn't have much in the cupboard but here is what she did...momma took out a tin of biscuits and made me not one but 4 "special" sandwiches....2 peanut butter and jam and 2 ham and cheese with French's mustard(my favorite even today) wrapped them up in wax paper like you get at the deli...then she took 4 Gerber baby food jars...went to the sink and washed off the labels(so I wouldn't look, like I was eating baby food)and made me two glasses of milk and then made me two glasses of fresh home made chocolate milk made from Hershey's chocolate powder and sugar!!!!!then she rummaged around in the pantry and found a can of peaches(My favorite)this being the days long before "Tupperware"..she poured what peaches she could in yet another trio of Gerber baby food jars...all this she placed in a shoe box that she tied closed with some Christmas ribbon and placed in the fridge.....the next day I went to school...head held high...with my shoe box of "custom made" "Gourmet" lunch tucked under my arm....eons before I would even know what gourmet meant...that day at noon I ate like the "King of England" feasting on peanut and butter jam, ham and cheese biscuits.....chocolate milk...peaches...out of my "shoes box"...Mom had put a napkin in there and a note...."Stevie I love you!...have a wonderful lunch"...Batman...Superman..and Bugs had nothing on me that day!!!...the power of LOVE and food......
So it was with this in mind I went home to help Dad with Momma...I had watched my dear sweet mother go from the vivasious woman full of life and love to a fragile shadow of her former self. After my Mom's commitment to Christ she completely embraced the bible based concept of healing.My mom accepted the concept that "If you ask anything in my name and believe that you have it you shall recieve it" mom was holding out for a "manisfestation" of God's provision until some well meaning albeit misinformed staffer from her church told her different, he all but handed my mom a death wish.After that Mom wanted to "Go Home".This was So So hard for us as a family,facing our Mothers demise.I remember Ellen called a family meeting, we sat at her dinner counter in her home,Me, Ellen,Daphne and Cindy,I was all of 22 my sisters were 14 and 15,Ellen finally approached the subject."If God decides not to heal Mom ....maybe it would be better if he took Her home,we sat there as this idea sunk in.....then.....Cindy......broke down...and...cried..."I don't want Momma to DIE!!!!!...then all of us began to weep! the reality of losing Mom..to death...was more than we could handle..Cindy crying..we all broke down!!!...we reached out and held each other and wept....wept such sad sad tears....I thought.....God why?why?.....I would so miss Momma...Cindy's tears......so so sad. Yet another road of sorrow I was to walk down....
Meantime Dad and I continued to care for Mom. Finally Mom got to ill for Dad and I handle. At one time Mom had gotten up at night...figuring in her delusional mind that "Jesus was coming to take her to heavan"she decided to open the back door to"let him in" I'm asleep....at about 3 am I wake up to seeing my breath and open my door....it's absolutly.....freezing....it's December....I get up and shut the door...meantime Dad comes out the bedroom and goes,,,,,"what the hell?""""so he looks at Mom and she tells him "Jesus is coming for me....I needed to leave the door open".....ok folks.....how do you deal with that? Dad goes..."Jesus can walk thru walls...he doesn't need you leave the back door open for him in the MIDDLE OF WINTER!!!
At this point mom was having to have everything she ate pureed. She was losing weight. Finally wound up in the hospital. Dad came to conclusion that she was beyond our abilities and had made arrangements with a full time rest home to move her there.....something none of us wanted..especially Mom..I remember the day Dad and I went to the hospital to take her there. As Dad was trying to get Mom to go she stood by the bed and hung on to the bed rails...my Father had to quietly but firmly pry Mom's fingers loose as he said..."Come on Daphne....we have to go"..I could see the pain and conflict written all over my Dad's face..that was one of the hardest things he ever had to do..it was so hard on all of us...
We would come and get Mom for home visits often. I would ask her how they were treating her there and Mom's reply was always..."I love coming home the best"...now that I'm of her age I can fully understand..I would want to come home too.
Dad decided to move back to Monterey afterwards and made me an offer to go with him. So I did. By now Dad was drinking a lot. I can't say that i blame him. I spent the next 8 months working construction with him and enjoying the scene. One of first things I did was go see a concert by one of my biggest influences. Carlos Santana. Eddy Money opened for him and "Two Tickets to Paradice " was everywhere. I would years and years later open a show with him and for years play the pants off that tune. I came very very close to staying in Monterey for good. But I felt God had a plan for me back in Alaska. Still the place was so beutiful...and inspiring. I even started to draw again. By now my influences on the guitar were numerous. Along with Santana, George Benson,Herb Ellis, Joe Pass, BB King, ZZ Top, Hendrix I was soaking it all up. As well as any Christian Music I could find..One guy who would continue to rev me up would be an amazing Chritian Guitar player..Phil Keaggy. He would play a major roll in my music for years.
After 8 months I decided to return to Alaska.
I moved back to Fairbanks and stayed with Randy and Eddy. They had moved to a duplex in town and rented me a room...a few months past, when Ellen called and said Mom had taken a turn for the worst. Life for my sister at this time was not to easy either. She had gone thru a painful divorce but was on the up swing having met a great guy..who would become my brother-In Law..Gary. He would be a tower of strength and strong shoulder for all of us to lean on thru this time. I was stupid broke then. Fairbanks having a down turn after the Pipeline days. But I took off to Anchorage and drove non-stop strait to the hospital. Mom had gotten down to 80 lbs and had pnumonia. I stayed around town and close to Mom for a week. She was just totally out of it. I was in her hospital room when Dad came in. He had flown back from Monterey. I'll never forget how she "came to" as soon as he walked in the door.Dispite all the turmoil in their lives, all the years of strife of pain and betrayal I sat there and witnessed how much they still loved each other as he bent over to hug his now frail wife who was sitting at the edge of eternity. Many years latter I would learn the mystry of love...how love has it's own set of rules and those rules run different for everyone I sat there as I watched them an from deep in my soul I cried and cried. I stayed around for the next week untill I had to go back to work. I kissed Momma good bye and drove back to Fairbanks...little did I know that would be the last time I'd ever see her alive. The night I got back home I'm lying in bed when the phone rings......I Just KNEW KNEW ...Momma was gone...Randy hands the phone to me and it's my ex-brother-in law. I knew....I sat there with Randy and Eddy and wept and wept....I had become a motherless child......motherless child....motherless child.....
For the next 2 years every time I heard a sad song I would brake down and cry. At the time I had a couple of friends who worked as orderlies at the Pioneers Home in Fairbanks. It was a gnarly job. Wiping up after old men and weman. Feeding them,changing soiled beds and giving showers. It did not appeal to me at all. But a very strange happened one day on the bus that would alter my life once again. These were the days before public transportation was set up for the infirmed. I sat there one sunny afternoon and this poor native girl of maybe 21 was trying to get on the bus. 3 small steps. It took her 10 minutes. No one offered to help,not the bus driver, and none of the riders. I could tell by the look on her face how humiliated she felt. Something deep in my spirit broke and I became overwhelmed with compassion. I began to silently weep. That day once again God had replace my heart of stone with a tender heart of flesh. The next day I went to the Pioneers Home and spoke with the head nurse Erma. I was honest and told her I had never done that kind of work before but I had spent years caring for a sick mother. Two weeks later I became a Nurses Aide and have remained in some aspect or another a care giver. From Nursing to 15 years in Mental Health. It has been the most enriching life I ever lived. Each day I remember the Scripture Jesus said "If you do this to the least of my brothern you do this to me" everytime I serve one of them,bath them,clean them,feed them,..I see Jesus. God has blessed me twice I work a day job that makes a daily difference in someones life. And I when I play music it brings joy to those who have little or none. Not a bad life. maybe not a rich one but a truely ENRICHED one.
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